supercalifragilisticexpialodocious

ho-hum

2006-11-16T09:07:00.000+08:00

i'm back with an uninteresting post.

it's nursing week and i'm enjoying myself--not. ok well, i prolly am (sort of) but in spite of all the little events happening around the college, i feel like i'm in the death row. blimey. yesterday was supposed to be a fun day--the start of the nursing days celebration, the moment to wear our college's vintage shirt, the first time for me to put on mom's 80's earrings at UST. but because of an unfortunate event, everything seemed to turn inside-out.

what's more is that i feel so darn awful about having to hurt ma'am jurado (although i swear that i didnt have to do anything with it) when in fact i soooo highly respect her and think of her as another mom. it surprised to me feel down the moment i saw her shedding her tears in front of the group yesterday. it just brought back memories of what happened to my family last 3rd of May (just this year).

my (real) mom got hurt and that time it was because of my inner little demon. stupid impatience, that is... i admit. i could be very very impatient. and that's the reason why i never want to be a teacher. i would just end up hurting my student and myself as well... just as i have unhesitantly grabbed that new, shining surgical blade and jammed it across the inner aspect of my forearm which cost me an inch long of a bulging scar.

i've learned my lesson from that incident. i think i really did. but i'm still scared it would happen again anytime later. and a couple of things i would really need to prevent it is a much longer string of patience and a lifelong supply of respect for the human body.

nothin

2006-11-14T16:10:00.000+08:00

just posted to keep this blog goin... ciao! :)

sept_four

2006-09-13T10:06:00.000+08:00

as the usher lead us to what i supposed was row L, we noticed a woman in her late 40’s to mid 50’s seated comfortably on the seat next to the aisle where one of the tickets we had was for. i stared on keenly as the usher (which I had only properly noted because LA cheekily described him to look like Paul Marazzi) tried his best to talk the woman into vacating that particular seat and moving to another, which apparently, was not situated near the aisle. the woman, at first, only laughed off Paul Marazzi’s plea and continued to sit with folded arms, seemingly insulted with our “interruption”. PM continued with his request, maintaining his cool composure till a fellow usher came along to help him with the situation. the two managed to get the sulking woman off seat #21 after some more begging and finally, LA and I received the cue to lean back and rest our elated butts onto the precious patron chairs.

barely able to contain my excitement, i sat uncomfortably on seat #20 and tried to ignore the spillage in front of me. “must’ve been made by the woman a while ago”, i shrugged it off. i spent time gazing around the place like a little kid amazed by all the twinklings of a starry, starry night. makes sense since the backdrop of the stage was of a star-studded design (we certainly couldn’t afford to have one of those blinking-bulb-filled stage concepts they have in Europe). on the upper boxes, i could only see around half (or less than) the original seating capacity meant for the area. devastation swept over me. “people can’t be ignoring this concert… what will the lads say about this?”

two rows behind me, an almond eyed girl was crowded upon by men who carried lights and by a lady who was talking with a microphone brought close to her lips. an interview, the idea registered in my mind quickly. lucky fan. she spoke with much confidence and composure just worthy for primetime telecast (if you know what i mean). the media people gave her a free bag afterwards and i (sort of) breathed a sigh of relief to find out that it was not Westlife material at all. the freebie was from PLDT, if my memory serves me right. that time, i also told LA to keep my banner rolled because i wasn’t ready to be interviewed just as well. (talk about high hopes…)

on seat #17 was a guy with whom i kept on colliding glances with from the very moment my bestfriend and i were brought to row L. he must be Kuya Sam, my mind chirped excitedly. i tried to look at the girl on his right but I decided to call the idea off because i’d just appear stupid doing it. gathering some guts, i called his attention after a while and stammered, “excuse me po, kayo po ba si Sam?” the lad smiled and nodded affirmatively as i shook his hand. he gestured to the girl next to him who was busy doing an SMS. “this is Esmie”, he said. i waved and gave her an awkward grin which she acknowledged positively. Kuya Sam got back to me and mentioned that Shayne and Aud were still not around. i smiled and reasoned that they were probably just caught in the traffic.

i could not remember clearly whether this incident actually occurred even before i’ve noticed the interview with Ms. Almond Eyes (there go bits of memory flying again). LA, who had been looking around herself, spotted this woman who carried along with her a mass of Westlife CDs. “magaganda ba yung mga kanta nila sa bagong album?” she asked me. i nodded yes and with that, my bestfriend decided to get a copy of Face to Face. i supported (or urged, more likely) her to buy the album even if it was priced at P460 because i also got mine at Odyssey at the same amount. i took out two crisp P20 bills from my Thai pouch and handed it to LA. it was a simple joy to see her gushing over the CD as she held it in her hands. i actually wished she had found the chance to purchase it much much sooner so that she could appreciate the concert more since it was, of course, part of the Face to Face Tour.

i was starting to feel jittery in my seat a few minutes later. i had expected the show to start late but i still felt sweating bullets rushing in my arteries. i could not get the fact that westlife was just behind that starry backdrop off my head. just sharing the Big Dome with them was enough to put me in a whirlwind.

i kept on glancing at my wrist for the time. soon, my bestfriend had contented herself by having her photo taken with a guy from PDA. i couldn't care much when we saw them coming over the first few rows of the patron seats to have their pictures taken for airing later on (they had won tickets to the concert, see?). i hardly knew their names. only one of them was familiar to me since i've seen an episode of the sitcom wherein his wife and son paid him a good visit at the 'academy'. Yvan's the name of the lad.

after posing for the cameras, the 'scholars', as what i think they were called, moved to where their tickets were actually for -- Lower Box A. that was when, a few minutes after, a number of people (including my bestfriend) approached them for their own series of mini-photo shoots. it was also around that time when two girls came along and took the vacant seats between me and Kuya Sam. they were formally intorduced to me and i shook their hands childishly. that instance, i thought the 'message board peeps' were lovely. anyway, i always thought that WL fans were a bunch of nice people. i was happy theses new acquaintances didn't disappoint me.
LA came back to her seat shortly, laughing at how she and the PDA guy looked in the picture. too much lighting, she chirped. i gave out a laugh and agreed. then, after letting out a deep breath, i excused myself and hurried for the loo. i couldnt afford to miss the start of the show but rushing for relief in the middle of it would be a huge mistake.

upon returning from the comfort room, i got all the more jumpy (from the aura of the whole place, i guess) but i still made it a point to tell another red-vested usher about the spill on my portion of the floor. i got back to my bestfriend and we spent a few minutes yakking about the Irish boys whom we we were wying to see until...

lights off.

the crowd roared zealously. i felt adrenaline rushing to my head. people started to stand up and even LA was quick as a fox to dash to the aisle and make it towards the stage. my mind was instantly in a roll and the next thing i know, i was also running with only my cam and banner in hand. i screamed madly whilst the lads marched up and intotheir respective places. my bestfriend and i actually stood before the middle part of the stage at first. but when Mark made his way to the rightmost side of the dais, he 'magnetized' us along with him!

i didn't actually mind that moment. i even thought i had the best place in the coliseum! LA and i screamed our hearts (and lungs?) out together with other fans while Mark stood quietly approximately 1.5-2 metres acorss us! i couldnt believe my eyes. for the first time, i was gazing at Mark Feehily in the flesh. He was sooo close yet so far!

i pushed on closer against the barrier before me and extended my left arm to wave at the lovely guy while he was waiting for his turn to do the vocals. i took my first video of him and paid no heed to the fact that the video was rather lousy as people around were also in an ecstatic mode and were literally bumping against each other. hence, my shaking hands was no use to keep the digicam still. i noticed the cute bulk of Mark's midesction. i smiled and thought he was still perfect. my eyes darted to the left and instantly, the sight of Nicky wowed me. He looked good in pictures but in person, he was just soo darn finer! He was like a man-made creation, made to look as an object of perfection. like one of those made by the dieties to lure mortals into their end. he was sort of 'an image to behold'... okay, i'm probably exaggerating but i'm definitely positive of the byrning aura Nicky exuded that moment. hotness, i thought.

Kian and Shane were both at the opposite end of the stage during the first two songs (correct me if i'm wrong; my memory that night was extremely selective) so i couldnt really see them well yet. nonetheless, i still shouted their names crazily once in a while. i also love them, you know...

since i was mostly taking awkward shots of Mark with my cam, i didn't know what to do with my (still rolled) banner. finally, i tried to unroll it and unveil the special message inside; much to my vexation, it wouldnt straighten out well! i had expected to have a hard time unrolling the banner since it was of cartolina and the letters were of cartolina (and outlined with glow-in-the-dark glue) as well. i just didn't think it would be that difficult to have it opened up. alas, after several attempts and simultaneous photo/video takings, the red cartolina slipped from my fingers and fell on the other side of the barrier, with only the last line unrolled. the portion where the first two lines were, was still loosely rolled up. i was aghast! even LA was. i swallowed and stuttered that it was alright but things just started to buzz into my head. why did i lose the banner that soon? i've worked on it the Tuesday and Sunday before the concert but now, i wouldnt be able to let Mark get even a whiff of it!

i stared wide-eyed at the 5 letters glowing amidst the dimmed ambience.

K-E-V-I-N

strangely, the name seemed to mock me. i tried to get back to watching the boys again as if nothing had happened. much to my delight, Mark had advanced towards where i was standing and had seemed to be only a stone's throw away. all i could remember was me screaming at the tope of my lungs along with tons of other fans. and i didn't care about how loud i was becoming because i thought i had the reason to be so. we all had.

"Mark, Mark!" from my right, i heard my bestfriend suddenly calling out frantically. she gestured towards the banner on the floor. i watched closely as Mark's eyes darted downwards. for a while, i was quite negative that he saw the glowing name that was actually facing him. but soon after he had glanced below, he flashed those pearly whites of his before looking ahead again.

needless to say, i got thrilled!

"oh my gosh!" i mumbled out loudly and just stood there for a while, awestrucked. he saw it. he definitely saw it and he even smiled because of it. it has seemed as if God has wanted the banner to drop facing the stage for my sake after all. He's just brilliant, isn't He?

LA and i gushed at what just happened. even she kept on screaming and repeating about how Mark had acknowledged the red banner with a smile. a warm feeling ran from my deepest gut towards the peripheries of my body. it was a feeling of unexpected happiness, i suppose.

"baka naman akala niya 'Mark loves Kevin' yung nakalagay sa banner..." my bestfriend said suddenly, interrupting my thoughts.

i only shrugged it off and just stared ahead at Mark who had then moved to a spot in the middle of the stage, "kahit na.." i told LA.

the boys were singing their 3rd song for the night (when you're looking like that) when a tall, robust man happened to walk across us by the other side of the steel barrier. an idea popped into my head immediately and so when he finally paused in front of where i stood, i gave him an unhesitant tap on the shoulder. "can you pick up my banner for me, sir?", i asked when he stirred. the man bent over, took the half-rolled cartolina and handed it to me without any word. i thanked him and beamed at my bestfriend.

i asked her to help me unroll the red thing and at last we managed to pull the banner open. LA and i got hold of two corners each and held the wrinkled cartolina as high as we could. we called Mark by his name, an attempt that seemed pointless at first. but as if it was all meant to happen that way, Mark looked at our direction amidst the noise and sure enough, he spotted the banner AND the complete message it had wanted to convey in the first place. i thought i saw his eyes studying every letter of the short sentence that glowed lightly. when he was done analyzing what was on the dingy cartolina, he smiled again and that time around, he added a wink that sent me and LA screaming even louder! i felt like fainting. it was one of the loveliest parts of the evening. in fact i think the whole banner experience was truly unforgettable!

i wish

i were

KEVIN

oh yes i do, Mark! :P

i could not explain in words the joy and excitement that swept over me. it was just... bliss.

all the time i've been screaming and finding a way to unroll the stubborn cartolina, a little voice in my head has kept on nagging about the blue plastic bag i had left on my seat when i dashed for the stage at the start of the concert. inside the bag were my

1) Thai pouch (with my money and mobile phone inside it)

2) F2F CD

3) tickets (including LA's) to the event

4) 'love-you-back' teddy which i had brought to throw on the stage (for Mark, of course)

alas, i convinced myself to risk losing the special spot where i had been standing

vid

2006-09-07T12:55:00.000+08:00

http://s10.photobucket.com/albums/a119/ja_rulez/?action=view&current=f9d8d293.flv

--was cut short... will have to upload the full versh sometime... :)

:)

2006-09-03T18:03:00.000+08:00

the concert would be tomorrow!!!!

oh my gosh...

will post next time... whenever that is...

whooee!

2006-09-01T16:10:00.000+08:00

exams are done! i feel a lil lightheaded now! but wait... i still got a full shced tomorrow! aack...

good thing there's next week's monday night... haha! aka w-e-s-t-l-i-f-e-n-i-g-h-t!

e-x-c-i-t-e-m-e-n-t

2006-08-31T12:26:00.000+08:00

what more can i say? from today, it'll only be a matter of 4 nocturnal sleeps before the night we 'lifers have all been waiting for!

for what? the friggin concert, that's what! after 5 years of excruciating wait, the Life has finally included this tropical country of ours in the list for their Asian tour...

-_-

2006-07-06T16:56:00.000+08:00

i do not have intentions of erasing the previous post. that was part of my hard work! i couldnt get yahoomail right in the 5th floor computer (here in central lib) so i decided to put that up temporarily in here. anyway, i have already posted the whole content in our yahoogroup just now.

gotta cut this short. i have tons of things to do tonight.

le gra.

argh

2006-07-06T15:53:00.000+08:00

JT (jejunostomy tube), IVF (left hand)

07/06 VS: 8am: 140/80, 85, 15, 37C
12n: 140/80, 86, 18, 37C

I&O: NPO/800cc urine q1
NGT: 15cc (8am)
JP: 15cc (8am) q4
IVF: #5 D5NR (3:30am-11.30am) 30gtts/min with 150cc infused at 10-6 shift

> interview: (-) allergies; (+) DM; (+) hpn
> LMBR, EDB, elastic stockings on both legs
> CBG monitoring q8; salbutamol nebulization (alternating with NSS) q4; incentive spirometry q6

MEDS:
07/03 ranitidine 50mg/IV q8
ampi-sulbactin **sulbactan nakita ko sa drug guide** 750 mg/IV q8
07/04 paracetamol 30mg/IV q4
07/05 bactidol gargle for 30 secs for 2 days
07/06 morphine SO4 **morphine sulfate** 0.02%/10cc/EC -- given

! insulin given on 07/04 @ 8pm = 156 mg/dL
07/05 4am = 136 mg/dL
12N = 120 mg/dL
8pm = 135 mg/dL
07/06 4am = 136 mg/dL

***************************************

06/06 CT Scan
Hx: 2 mo. hx = jaundice, pruritus
endoscopy showed ampullary mas, adrenocarcinoma

(liver) = intrahepatic bile ducts mildly dilated
= hyperdense tubular structure with streak artifacts in the ampullary region
= atherosclerotic internal calcifications in the abdominal aorta

06/27 **guys, di ko sure kung blood to o urine...sorry...di ko pa rin nababasa...**
Total CHON 8g/dL
Globulin 3.9 g/dL
Na 136 mmol/L
** ciprofloxacin 500mg/tab also prescribed this day**

06/28 **eto, sa POS ko nakuha**
intermediate to high risk MI/ cardiac death from procedure
**ISMN 30mg/tab 1 tab OD prescribed this day**

the ff are (+):
hypertension(hpn) from may 2006
ampullary mass
occasional angina
PND **i looked it up and found it as Paroxsymal Nocturnal Dyspnea**
easy fatigability
palpitations
(fam hx) hpn in both parents
DM

the ff are (-):
syncope
asthma
PTB
allergies
thyroid disorders
**saka...non-alcoholic and non-smoker siya...**

**the client takes irbesartan 150mg OD for hpn**

07/01 Urinalysis
= light yellow
= sl. turbid
= pH 6.5
= sp. grav 1.015
= rbc 0-2 hpf
= pus cells 0-2 hpf
= squamous cells +
= bacteria ++
= urates ++++

07/04 Clinical Chemistry (specimen: blood which is A+)
= Na 145 mmol/L
= K 4.3 mmol/L <3.8-5>
= ionized Ca 1.23 mmol/L <1.18-1.3>
**normal naman lahat no? nakalimutan ko kung bakit kinuha ko pa to...**

CBC
= RBC 3.99
= RDW 12.6
= WBC 17.90
= segmenters 0.88
= lymphocytes 0.07

*************************

ADDITIONALS:

4 mos PTA
= jaundice, pruritus
= alcoholic stools, tea-coloured urine
= mild RUQ pain (PS about 2/10)
= consulted provincial hosp>> assessment: obstructive pain; advised further work-up

1 mo PTA
= UTZ>> obstructive biliary ductal tract disease
= rx>> ERCP **nasa MS book to** with stenting for relief
= biopsy>> ampullary adenocarcinoma (configured by CT Scan)
= advised surgery

! biopsy>> rubbery tissue fragments measuring a total of 1.3 x 0.6 x 0.2 cm
>> entire specimen taken
>> malignant neoplasm of branching glands lined by atypical cells with round to ovoid stratified hyperchromatic nuclei with little cytoplasm

ROS:
(+) headache
anorexia
wt loss
easy fatigability
cosntipation

(-) fever
hematamesis
melena
dysuria

***************************************************

NURSE'S NOTES 07/06

= NGT-GD yellowish output minimal output
= indwelling catheter draining yellowish output
= jejunostomy tube left nostril **ganyan yung nakasulat dun pero mali diba? sa jejunum nga yung JT eh...o ako lang yung naduling?**
= epidural cathether
= post-op dressing dry and intact
= may not reinsert NGT and JT if accidentally pulled out **di ko lam kung bakit?**

seAmrog

2006-06-29T16:45:00.000+08:00

The truth behind the shamrock

The shamrock is an iconic imageThousands of people don a shamrock on St Patrick's Day but how many know their trifolium repens from their oxalis acetosella? BBC News Online unearthed the truth rooted behind the myth.

It is commonly believed the shamrock is a clover - the Gaelic word seamrog means "little clover" - but the botanical world is not so sure.

There is much debate about which species is the real thing and some of the likely candidates are not even classified as clover.

This confusion is partly down to the mythology of the shamrock and the different representations that have appeared in Celtic artwork through the centuries.

According to Irish legend, the druids in Ireland looked at the shamrock as a sacred plant because its leaves formed a triad. Three was a mystical number in the Celtic religion.
Then St Patrick, who was thought to be born in Wales, used the shamrock in the 5th century to teach people about Christianity as he travelled around Ireland.
He told people that each of the three leaves illustrated the Father, the Son and the Holy Spirit of the Holy Trinity.

WHICH IS THE TRUE SHAMROCK?
trifolium dubium (lesser trefoil) 46%
trifolium repens (white clover) 35%
medicap lupulina (black medick) 7%
oxalis acetosella (wood sorrel) 5%
trifolium pratense (red clover) 4%

Source: Survey of Irish people by Charles Nelson, 1988 Old Irish manuscripts make no reference to this in connection with St Patrick, so this is likely to be pure mythology.
According to Nathaniel Colgan, the botanist and author of The Flora Of County Dublin in 1904, people even ate the shamrock in times of famine.

In the 19th century it became a symbol of rebellion against the English and began to be strongly associated with Irish identity. Apparently anyone wearing it risked death by hanging.
Botanist Charles Nelson carried out a shamrock survey in 1988 for his book Shamrock: botany and history of an Irish myth.

He asked Irish people to collect what they imagined to be shamrocks and send them to him.
The shamrock is known from artwork and not from an exact botanical representation, so to fix a species to it is quite difficult

James Armitage,Royal Horticultural Society

The top five species can all be found in northern Europe and all but two are forms of clover. Only the trifolium can strictly be called clover.

The trifolium dubium, which can be found throughout the British Isles, was the most common in Dr Nelson's survey.
It is an annual plant which grows to 25cm in height, and can be bought in seed packets.

The trifolium repens, or white clover, is commonly found on lawns as a wildflower.

Scottish puzzle

James Armitage of the Royal Horticultural Society in Wisley told BBC News Online the five species were all similar looking plants.

"They have this trifoliate leaf so if you are not an expert they can be easily confused.

"The shamrock is known from artwork and not from an exact botanical representation, so to fix a species to it is quite difficult.

"The plant itself is not particularly fascinating. It's slightly weedy and grows in grassy areas and open ground."

He said there was a similar conundrum surrounding the Scottish thistle because no one was sure what species it was meant to represent.

The four-leaf clover is said to be a lucky charm and it comes about when the plant mutates.

back from rest

2006-06-29T15:40:00.000+08:00

ive posted a cool link...
that's all...hehe...
PS! i was not talking about steven in my latest post okay?!

back from rest

2006-06-29T15:29:00.000+08:00

aha! i have got a nice linkie! go check it out!

copied from raxonn...

2005-11-19T16:42:00.000+08:00

right. and i'm still at school, waiting for steven villaraza's pageant. earlier, i wanted to hit the road and leave. after all, i dont have my close friends (which are only two) in the class with me anyway. sometimes i feel like an idiot amidst all the swarming people around. i feel like a rock. not because i'm strong. i'm a rock because i feel insignificant. insignificant to everybody. but i chose not to leave. truth is, i even worked on ste's denims again. and blimey, now i dont feel so bad anymore. true. if i'm in a smoke-puffing (like that of a dragon perhaps) mood right now, i wouldve written "...i even worked on ste's FRIGGIN denims again". but hey, i didnt. so that must really mean, i'm feelin well already.

i'm a pathetic creature. i tried communicating with him. and by golly, he responds like we really know each other. but dang, why is it that i feel like tearing up the ground and burying myself underneath it whenever our paths would literally cross? no kidding. its awful. it makes me feel sooper stupid.
hmm lets pull out some possible reasons behind this attitude.

1. maybe because hes got a lot of people around him always. and of course i wouldnt wanna be gossiped about being his stalker. i mean, hey. he did get my attention but puhleese. that doesnt mean i'm goin gaga over him. the only guy i "passionately" care about is now kevin mcdaid's. yup. he's G-A-Y (err...dont tell me the other guy i'm talkin about right now is homo too).

2. maybe because he's pleasing to the eyes. and i'm not. :) nuff said.

3. maybe bacause i'm scared of guys. nah. i've practically lived 17 years (and counting)of my existence with just my dad and brother. and i did have guy classmates in primary school, mind you.

4. maybe because i aint eloquent enough. aaarrgh!!!!!! terrible! gotta have the BLARNEY STONE! uhm...will somebody get me that for a Christmas present?

i'll probably have to end this. i gotta watch steven. i gotta see my pants!...i mean... his pants. uhm... thats it. oh before i forgot. we won the cheering and basketball competitions. hurrah for the sophomores!

ta-ta!

back

2005-11-17T09:58:00.000+08:00

its amazing how fast time goes. one day i'm in first year and the next day i'm here in the second, "a capped student nurse" and all. my last post here is a more than a month old and i realise twas all about marcus. pathetic enough. yet there are no regrets. and by golly, i'd be even happier if he can read that personally. even pathetic.

okay enough now about my lost love. err..maybe not. not so long ago, i started an experiment on my mushy slash true stury novel making skills. at the mo i have done a little. maybe less than ten peragraphs. and guess what. it's still about marcus. whoopee! applause for the plan to quit thinking of my gay man! tis in vain again! the story tackles three main characters. Kolbe, Martin, and Riah (truth is i still cant make up my mind on what to call the girl since her name right now kinda stinks).

i'ma cut this short and leave you hanging for a while. i gotta get to the dorm to watch homeboy. its gonna showcase the ex housemates of pbb and my mates know i'm a sucker for bob.

i'll spill more about my novel soon.

i hope.

marcus

2005-08-23T02:34:00.000+08:00

aug nineteen unexpected tears washed away my world. my mind ached. my heart broke into shards. my soul tore itself apart. until today i cry inside of myself asking why i still live this bad dream. i want to wake up. i want to bolt and dash to where he is. if only that's possible. if only i can do anything to take care of him. to show him i loved him. to prove i can be better than some guy i now envy. right. some guy. i hate myself for not being able to face this like i should. i hate myself for rejecting reality. i hate myself for crying over what isnt mine. i hate myself for not being happy for him instead.. if he's content with him then i should be alright too since i have always been praying to my dear Lord for the happiness he deserves. but i couldnt. i cant keep myself from crying. i cant keep my blood from boiling when i think of it. i'm not actually feeling anger. i'm feeling jealousy. infact i'm green with envy. he was the one he chose to love. he's the luckiest person in the world. had my Love picked a girl to care for him, i wouldnt feel too bad. i have always prayed for the best for him. if this is the happiness he wants, i cant do anything about it. it's jut that i didnt think it was gonna be this painful--knowing he's in love with someone i could potentially like too as a heterosexual. he's killing me. and darned bad that he doesnt know about it. i get weak when i hear his voice. my chest tightens and my primer and power pumps stop functioning. i lose my breath. my vision gets cloudy from the tears trickling from my oculars. i'm ready to be tagged as a neuro patient. but you know what all these has done to me generally? it made me succumb for him deeper. i'm falling head first, plunging into this dark pit that ends in nothingness. i dont hate him. i adore him still. every little bit of him. i dont care if he's gay. i'm gonna die his name etched inside me. who cares? i'll love who i wanna love. and who i wanna love is him alone. i'm never gonna be completely happy anymore. if i end up with somebody else, it wouldnt bring me the joy i really dream of. i'm afraid i have to maintain distance from the other guy first. i'm afraid i can never return the love he says he has for me. i told him it will be hard to forget a guy i have devoted myself for a long time already. for more than five years i have loved him. i dont mind loving him for another five more. or even six or seven. whatever. why? i cant answer that. Love doesnt need the company of Explanation anyway.

ive sinned

2005-07-22T15:41:00.000+08:00

~freedom from the monthlies at last~

woe to those who have not attended their PE classes...dahil mga tamad kayo...kasama ako dun...

damn

i dont wanna have a blank mark on my attendance kay sir. ngayon pakiramdam ko parang ako na ang pinaka-iresponsableng estudyanteng nabubuhay sa ust. pero ang totoo, balak ko dapat na mag-PE. pumunta naman ako sa eng complex kanina eh. sinipat ko naman talaga kung nasaan na yung class ko for handball... kaso wala talaga akong mamukhaang person. oo, possibly, wala pang tao kasi di pa naman three o'clock nun. kaso...ganun din naman ang mangyayari, naisip ko. wala rin akong classmate sa II-10 na pupunta. mag-iisa rin ako. ayoko ata nun. ewan! katangahan tlg...

naisip kong tumuloy na nga dito sa central lib para magbasa ng module 4 ng nstp. kaso...binuksan ko nga yung eleap at yung module, halos wala naman akong matandaan sa mga binrowse ko... korni...

haay ayoko na!

uhm...my mood right now: CONFUSED

di ko maconvince ang sarili ko na gusto ko ng Frenchfries. ayoko ng feeling na to na parang pinipilit ko lang ang sarili kong ngumuya at magpakalunod sa lasa nun. kadiri. bata pa ako. marami pang pagkakataon. ayoko na yatang magkaron ng connection sa kanya. wala namang mawawala sa akin kapag inignore ko siya at di nako sumipot sa kany sa YM simula sa segundong ito. kaso naawa ata ako. yun. awa lang ata. di ko favourite ang Frenchfries. ang totoong gusto ko ay ang Celtics.

labo ko. pero ayos lang para ako lang ang nakakaintindi neto. swak na. sa blogdrive naman.

johnjoerockedmysoul...niehehe

2005-07-04T17:23:00.000+08:00

if i was a serial pickpocket and he were m&m's, i would cordially choose lookin stupid, ransackin all candy shops i could lay my eyes on

wahahaha!yesterday, (ay...july 2 na pala...)...the other day, after class hours, yamz and i dragged our butts to the engineering complex of our dear university. my companion wasnt even 100% okay about watching parokya because of personal reasons...anyway, there were we, striding towards the crowd (after a quick peek at the orgs lined up via the catwalk) when i saw sumthin delightful to the eyes...CANDY! yes, eye candy! mtv's john joe!

his back was on me...yamz and i kept walkin but my eyes stayed glued on that brown icky stuff he wore. haha! talk about insulting jj again! i need to see him! my insides croaked as a mass of students gathered for the band and blocked my view of the tagalog-eloquent john joe. as the programme progressed, i tried to calm myself from the thought of 'he was right there, almost at arms length and i didnt even get to see his face!!!' (this was especially evident during chito miranda's uber hyper performance *as usual*...which by the way rawked big time).

well, after a sooper fast hour of jammin with parokya (with leo, and not with yamz! the latter has mysteriously disappeared the moment parokyanos ran toward the stage, and i caught myself roaring through the songs with none other than sacre's leo! haha!), the three of us walked outta the gym. i was chanting 'john joe john joe john joe' and was whining through my parched throat until...i spotted him! i was like, omg! omg! omg! leo and yamz told me to grab the moment by its neck...i did as i was told...well..i sorta semi-did.

the three of us took a snapshot of us with him (but yamz...was missin again?!). the pic seemed priceless! but it was only after we had stalked parokya's van and took their signatures (i had a stray diskette signed. i shook chito's hand. leo had her anatomy book signed, she touched chito's hand i think. yamz had her notebook signed, she got a kiss from chito!!! it was the "uy, pakiss/ o sige pakiss, pakiss---mwah" between them) when i realised...'why just one pic?! and just a measley pic where i looked like an ass, grinning like i had cerebral palsy since i didnt know how to react! i couldve taken two or three! in which one pic only has john joe and myself! solo namin! (hah?!) and i shouldve taken his autograph (like what leo said) too since he was so nice to be willing to give u a personalized message (with yer name, mind you!) with his signature below.that was what he was doin before i had the guts to walk in front of him to ask 'excuse me, may we take a picture of you?' in a soft trembling voice that didnt resemble mine. the sweet lad answered cooly 'ah shempre' (john joe's en egg in english, john joe's an egg in english~~lmao)

oh well im gon miss him. and i wish i could turn back time's arm! not just hands! yes! i never missed the water until its gone! oh when shall i get to feast on jj again?! waah!!!!!!

nuff.

try watchin mtv and wait for its ust coverage for the first day funk promotion. leo, yamz and i were so jaulaugz that day that we allowed ourselves to get 'dedignitized' as we intentionally walked before the mtv camera and waved to get noticed by the whole of the nation. maybe you'd see us so watch, okay? eew. i guess you'd all deny you have any connections with us after you see it...haha!

Posted at 01:23 am by ja_rulez

it has been...

2005-07-04T17:12:00.000+08:00

...millions of years since i have written in here

hence the url: idleforages! yipee!

y'see...sometimes, stupid things make sense too... :D

the reason why i decided to *finally* update my blog is that i was thinkin of its dignity as an online journal (wutdaf--). nah, i guess i just didnt want it to end the same way as my tabulas blog did. like what i have mentioned during my first post here (with darms and yamz with me in the lib--waah!! missin darmsie!), i wouldnt want this to just rot just like that.

anyway, enough of ulit-ulits. i was also urged to post here since i thought "hey! why not take advantage of the central lib's dsl connection! i wouldnt be able to spend a whole lotta time typin here if i was at home anyway...so here i am.

ok enough again. the whole point of this post is about thursday *that was the 31st of june*. i wouldve just typed here 'raxonn' and redirect you to my kada's bloggie but since im in a good mood, i'll just copy my post there and paste it via another post...hehehe...

sige, i'll go to raxonn first. be back in a while, maties!

whew

2005-05-22T16:23:00.000+08:00

hiya...justa short update of what has been happenin around...although u (kung may nagbabasa man neto) can also check out raxonn for more details (kung makakarelate ka) since that bloggie seems more homey to me now =D

early mornin (around past 12-3am) of may20:
this had been sooper special for me. i just loved that deep soothing voice...and that slow steady breathing. YM has never served me better. my fondness of him just dramatically increased for some reason. and yes i told him i did (samin n lang yun kung anuman yung sinabi ko). everytime he would softly say my name, there goes his affection, furiously surging through my veins like a mad river. sayang, he was too far away. +_+

drama

may21, Town:
aios ang day nato. although it totally made a fungus outta me (since ako lamang po mga kapatid ang walang date. aargh! parang wallflower! i think i just felt how these lasses felt..urk~~), i must say i did enjoy.
NBS was the place both eros and dan chose to wait in (although they didnt talk ha!). after grabbin em both we went to the cinemas to catch starwars. the movie, as expected was fab although i must have understood only 75% of the whole flick. i bought P60-onion rings to keep my duodenum company during the time. after watchin, we started for picture city. uhm...nahihiya rin pala sa cam ang male species. timezone came right after. cool time around, although we were given a single P500 (ba yun?) game card instead of five P100s. kainis no? di kasi nakikinig eh. we ate pizza after that. liz was feelin her tum-tum grumbling na kasi. i bet everyone did nman eh (except me kasi i had my onion rings =D) kaso nga lang, nagkakahiyaan pa. i took the fotos na rin sa picCT. a lil while sa timezone uli after eating. tapos, uwian na. dan came along with us kasi goin home for him that early meant his doom. hehe kiddin...

evening (around 10.30-12.30), may21:
an extremely upsetting time for me. i went online expecting jesse. i asked liz nman to inform him that i will be online by ten here ah. why didnt he come? its disappointing kasi 2 oras akong naghintay. when he finally responded to my IMs, wala pa atang five minutes, nawala nnman sha. nalulungkot ako. gusto ko p naman sana marinig yung boses nia ulit. i told him i was scared to love. i have never been in love. now i dont even know if this is love. alam ko nman ang mangyayari eh. pag nagkausap na ulit kami, liliparin nnman ng kilig ang lahat ng pakiramdam ko ngayon. i know, thats fine. pero ayokong isiping ganto kababaw ang persona ko. i used to say "lalaki lang yan"...eh ano na ngayon? could somebody come over and shout to my ear that same line?!

drama ulit

heller?

2005-05-16T00:49:00.000+08:00

ahm...is this really me in here? like heck, ive been gone for a lifetime here in my personal blog ah! ive been all over blogdrive kasi...and all over YM...yep look at me now..i'm one heck of a taglisher again. this is not the ol' ja who types here on tuesdays and thursdays! well...except nung mga first posts...which were really loco, i'd say. if any darned critter would want to know whats goin on within my nutshell (and my mates' as well), i dare you to visit our bloggie: http://raxonn.blogdrive.com
go see what we're up to...

my mood currently is : UPSET
stayed up late for nothing eh? tsktsktsk...i should be sleeping by now. but i aint snorin my arse off (as if i snore) because of some male species. what do you think yer doin, mister? dont make me care too much. that isnt the route i wanna go to just yet...
...ahgahd...1:05 now...speakin of the cutie....he just IMed! whoopee! :) suddenly i dont feel so sullen anymore...bah! get outta dreamtown, young lady! yer not lil miss mush-o!
wanna check out this laddie? take a peek at http://profiles.yahoo.com/knight_o_nightmares
you might be wondering what sort of infection has gotten inside my nerves for being interested in a guy with such profile...but dont look at me like that...you gotta know this bloke first...
just one thingy...dont touch him okay? he's mine! LOL

so, um...okay. just a quick point out:
shay's got this wonderful guy (though i havent met him...teehee!) named eros. he's classmates with her. 18 years of age...i know he cares about her. yeah he does, really. shay doubts sometimes but hey cant blame laydees for that, can you?
bam's got dan on the other hand. a workin guy who turns 24 soon. i dont see anythin wrong with his age. it doesnt matter, does it? love is for every breathing soul out there. besides, what's impt is that he's being real with my mate...
kaye has told me of a certain wayne bloke. mind you, he's got yunchengco blood! make that, he's a yuchengco! now i dunno if he's really one of those class A yuchegncos. but there's no stoppin me from teasing kaye with a "hi madamme!"

alrightee gotta end here. till next time! enrolment's on 1st june, classes on the 13th...ciao!

i dream of a boy named...

2005-05-03T17:34:00.000+08:00

...marcus

its not easy letting go of this soul

i feel stupid

but im just human

and this is my obsession

its getting extremely ridiculous everytime i think of it

its like people would look down at me and tell me to grow up

but thats it

i dont wanna grow up just yet

if God wills though

i wish somebody would take me away from it

maybe jesse would

pitiful souls

2005-04-26T18:06:00.000+08:00

Upsetting.

My immediate family, together with my other maternal relatives, had a lil rendevous in CCP and in Baywalk last Sunday night. I was enjoying the evening when we chanced upon these male homosexuals who were doing their usual job in the place—hosting a videoke show in front of a live audience. What we expected from gay hosts did come about—there were lots of pranks and flirtings with the male spectators. What I wasn’t anticipating were the words that came out from their mouths—rude words…lots and lots of them. Accompanying those were, of course, uncouth actions as well. I wouldn’t have minded that sort of performance if there weren’t any kid in the audience. Those faggots broadcasted adult humour.

There was also an instance when they insulted this particular girl so bad that she almost wanted to cry and come down from that roach infested stage. Do you think its just for them to tell someone that she’s ugly, fat, dark, and stupid simultaneously? If the poor lass felt shoddy with her features before, I bet she felt shoddier after that night. I know. Call me prudish for I’ve spent eleven years of my life studying in a Catholic school which nuns preside. But no, it’s not just a matter of religious standards. It’s also a matter of moral principles.

We left the place later because we got so bored, waiting for my niece’s name to be called. She was supposed to sing. The fun part there was we were so many that the fags immediately felt there was something wrong. The feeling of triumph was intense in me. It seemed like we had just walked out from an awards night!

Seamus, my 3 year chat mate, was right when I related my disappointments to him yesterday—that wasn’t family entertainment. And all those ill-mannered criticisms directed to that girl—that was supposed to be entertaining? My cousin shared as we were going home that “Filipinos are a very difficult crowd to please.” There’s supposed to be nothing wrong with that connotation actually. But as what I’ve seen on TV and during that night as well, a lot of us now have a different meaning for ‘entertainment’. Entertainment is when sex stuff is prominent. Entertainment is when people get abused physically and psychologically.

Too bad people need to be impudent just to earn cash.

sayberserye vi

2005-04-25T10:27:00.000+08:00

Rai suddenly looked up at her, her eyes turning big, “Something…behind us…” She murmured.
The other girls exchanged looks, noticing their friend’s ghastly expression. Slowly, they turned their heads upstairs, their hair standing on their ends.
Sure enough, a human-like figure stood still before them, its sharp eyes seemingly staring out in space in the dim setting. The moment it threw its gaze towards the girls, Rai’s flashlight totally went out.
Liz screamed. She pulled herself towards Kaye and tearfully dragged her eyes away from the silhouette.
“It’s…” Kaye spoke under her breath and tried to loosen her friend’s grip on her, “…it’s no ghost.”
Rai looked up closely and agreed, “It’s a man…”
“Well, man or monster, I’m leaving!” Liz broke away in tears and dashed into the living room, towards the door that leads to the patio.
“Liz!” Rai scurried after her. She threw a quick glance at her cousin, “C’mon!” Little did she know that Kaye had not bothered to move a muscle from the spot that she was standing on. Kaye just stared blankly at the dark figure that was then slowly floating down the stairs.
“La lumière… (Light)”
With the order of a finely-clad man, numerous levitating candles lit up and appeared to swathe the whole place. His footsteps then became audible, as if they belonged to a mortal.
“Ma sucrée moineau… (My sweet sparrow)” The man spoke softly and bent down to kiss the hand of the startled Kaye, “…Je m’en vais ce soir… (I’m leaving tonight)”
“Oh, Pierre… Please stay…” Kaye blurted. Nevertheless, she was flabbergasted of her words. She didn’t understand French. So how come--
“Merci pour tout… (Thanks for everything) Merci beaucoup… (Thank you very much)”
Inexplicable tears rolled down Kaye’s cheeks as she felt warm air encompass her. She sensed deep sorrow and yearning from the man that had just given her an embrace that seemed like his last.

second of three

2005-04-25T10:17:00.000+08:00

Shay and I devoured what was left of the adoberz and Rai chomped on her footlong sandwich for dinner. We sat glued in front of the boobtube for News. TV Patrol had almost nothing but all those which seemed like pre-tributes to the then weak JP2. We undoubtedly felt more than gawky enough with the entire programme for we genuinely loved the Pope and the whole thing on TV made it seem like media knew what would happen to him soon.

Later that night, when all had taken their shower, F3 settled in their bedroom and thought hard of something they could do that time of the night. There was no stuff to eat because the Cheez Mania I brought along with me was downed earlier and the cola we bought during the afternoon was almost empty as well. Nonetheless we made do with the drink (although that left our throats still parched as file paper) and carried on. By the time the moon had already deeply hovered up in the sky, we gave in to Bam’s suggestion of going out to look for a mobile charger and water too.

The air was cool although steady and the place seemed empty. We tried moving out. The itinerary across the patio itself was already darned because there were lots of critters (sci.name: Lizardus Sabubongsis) sticking upside-down just above us. What we did? Well, Shay and I leaped our ways athwart, shrieking in the middle of the night. Whew. Done with level one. Then there was Doggie Doo, howling at us like mad (you might get the implication that this mongrel is Scooby Doo’s long lost kin, but no, they’re just plain ol’ surname-mates). We could’ve gone jostling our arses towards the gate into the then ‘world outside’, right past the dog, but no we retreated, sprang across the porch (and its reptiles) again and dove back into the house. No one thought of risking our cheeky rears to be bitten off by such bloodhound.

Devastated, F3 chose to go up and chill out in the terrace for a while whilst devising a strategy to flee from Doggie Doo. He was a dog yet the task before us was like escaping from a dragon! I could’ve suggested bombing up Mr. Doo when he starts to doze off (if he ever does) but I caught my self and tried to forget about sadism for a while. Up in the terrace we stared at the past 22 o’clock firmament studded with stars, which seemed to swathe the entire earth magnificently. Wow, we thought. Beautiful. Simply beautiful.

Later we went down and decided to get it over and done with the mongrel. Bam needed the charger badly! Even Shay did. And all of us needed water for sure. So we jumped past those lizards again, screaming, “Lizardussss!” and from a good distance waited for any sign that Doggie Doo was keeping an eye (or both eyes for that matter) at us. The hound growled and snarled from under the cars! Good thing some girl came from the house of the pad's owner and we pleaded that the former keep the pest away while we sneak by. Thankfully, she complied. Whew. Level two done!

Before completely stepping out of the lot, we checked on the proprietress if they had water to sell and a charger to lend us. They had H2O but not the other. We left it at that and moved on. The streets were still in the middle of the deep night in spite of the numerous lights around. We walked up the ascending path towards the main road to look for our so-called necessities.

Up there, we didn’t have any luck either. We just stood by the roadside lookin at a group of youngstas who wanted to get inside Picnic Grove (in what seemed like the deepest hour of the night!). They weren’t allowed to enter through the exit though (but F3 did that! Tito Rey told us to!).

After a while, we returned back to our rented crib and decided to buy water from our landlady as well. Bubble gang was up on the telly so we didn’t really came home to a bore when you think of it. We called it a night soon…actually we just had forty winks one by one.

update

2005-04-18T11:52:00.000+08:00

ive made an account in blogdrive (oof! plug-in! plug-in!) for my bestmaties and i.

it's supposed to be our online journal. tee-hee, i remembered our scribbles in those notebooks over a year ago. ah! those were the days of the carters, gatelies, keatings, and the reads...et cetera, et cetera. but now it's a change of environment. as ive posted today there, i proclaimed ''we're goin tech!"

right.

oh well, i aint coming to training today. and probably not tomorrow...nor the next day...heck, i'm all sloth again! and i told tj that he was right all along about my feelings for the sport. and i told him i was still enjoying soccer. rubbish. oh when will i ever truly enjoy football? maybe Ja and Footie have been trying too hard to fall for each other. Maybe they just werent meant to be. Aww.

Mom, Ron, and nanay went off to bacoor to spend a night or two there. i didnt come with them coz sarah aint either. geez. i think i got the grammar wrong there.

guess that ends here. later i'll be working on the second part of my post about our tagaytay getaway last april fools' so that i could post it here soon. ciao!

sayberserye v

2005-04-16T13:16:00.000+08:00

“It doesn’t want to…” Kaye’s voice resounded uneasily, “It’s hard to—Oh my gosh… Oh my gosh…”
“What is it?” Liz asked, still holding on to Rai’s arm.
Kaye scrambled to her feet and stepped away from the Ouija. From the open space, the girls saw the planchette spinning wildly around the board. A ruddy spark shot up from the dead wick of the candle nearby. The girls gasped.
“Call Chad… or you Mom…” Liz felt her heart skip a beat. She reached for her phone from inside her jacket and gave it to Kaye, “Call anyone now!”
“But… But I don’t…” Kaye held the mobile with her dank hands, “I think it’s better to get out of the house.”
“What?!” Liz seemed uncertain.
The window burst open and the curtains flew seamlessly with the howl of icy airstream into the room. The beam of the flashlight Rai was holding flickered. A soft wail echoed from a distance.
Slowly it grew louder.
Clearer.
Nearer.
“Let’s go!” Rai shouted as she grabbed Liz’s wrist.
Kaye followed her friends and the three dashed out of the room just when the door had shut behind them with a slam. The girls were already more than half-way down the stairs when Rai, who was leading the way, stopped dead in her tracks.
“I felt something.” She panted, “As if it went through me…”
Kaye moved a few steps downwards, “Let’s deal with that later. We gotta move out of here.”
“C’mon, Rai!” Liz cried out when her friend didn’t budge. “There’s a bad something behind us, remember?”
Rai suddenly looked up at her, her eyes turning big, “Something…behind us…” She murmured.

first of three

2005-04-16T11:14:00.000+08:00

This may seem real late and all but still, I’m jotting these down coz that Tagaytay trip is indeed worth remembering. It aint the one last December although that vacation also etched significant memories in my psyche.

Ookay where do I start? Hmm…

April 1st: Bam got here in time. Maybe 6.30. Few minutes before 7 though, Shay came too. Soon, F3 left for Picnic Grove! Whoopee! We were then in Boulevard to hop on a bus heading for Olivarez. After minutes of scorching smoke from belching vehicles (and sticky sweat), we decided to head to Rotonda to take the bus there. Eeek. What a loooong walk for Bam and Shay. Sorry guys! After a while, the coupé moved and the journey was on! Whoopee again! Before lunch, we got our bills and bought some McDonalds. After that, we rode another jeepney that would bring us to our break-place.

I was a bit nervous about entering Picnic Grove at first to be honest. Mom told me just to tell the people that I was Tito Rey Manalo’s niece. But heck, I wasn’t really close to him. He didn’t even know how I exactly looked like. Good thing those peeps by the entrance of the site let me in in a flash. They just told me to look for ‘Tito Rey’ up in the picnic places. A few minutes after , I finally found my butt—my target that is. The infamous F3 was fetched, ironically, by a tricycle. Haha. How lavish. A house outside Picnic Grove waited for the wealthy trio. We settled for this air-conditioned roomie instead of the non-AC one coz the latter cost just P500 cheaper than the first. The AC room's original cost was actually P2500 but the owner of the place offered it at P2000 probably when she saw that we couldn’t afford such sum. Come to think of it, I was only prepared to pay less than P500 for the room we were going to rent and we ended up paying more than P600! Gaak! It was A-Ok in the finish though; coz the entire house was technically ours for there was no other group of people who was around to rent. Whoopee! So the purple bedroom (with a TV, an air-con, a table, a good bed…see, the non-AC rooms didn’t have these), the living room, the dining area, the wash area, and the loo on both ground and second floors were all ours for 2 days! Eureka! Ahh! And the terrace and the front porch! They were ours too. The P2000 did go a long way, I admit…

I ate adobo, my packed lunch, which we fondly called adoberz. The two persons insisted they were still full so I dined by myself with Game KNB runnin’ on the telly. After that we got out of the house and went straight to Picnic Grove again. We bought beverages—H2O for Shay and Bam, while Buko juice for me…mmm! Swabe! We were down the eco-trail soon. Later, F3 decided to rest and talk while swooning about the whole place when this bunch of guys, which was just strolling behind, stopped around us .They did move after some time but to my surprise, they stood somewhere we would definitely need to go by.
Seeing they wouldn’t go away soon, I walked first and as I passed by the lads, one of them shot, “Picture-picture!”
Papampam, I thought. I snapped back, “De, mamaya pa…” (in my usual sanggano tone)
The laddie, probably flabbergasted that I would answer, responded with a quiet “Ah, mamaya pa?”
“Oo mamaya pa.” I replied again, without turning around to look at them.
He spoke again, “Enjoy your trip!” (or was that “enjoy your stay”…whatever)
“Shoore…” I muttered and continued walking.

We had ice cream and went to that Karaoke place still later that afternoon. It was a blast for us. We sang so many songs that we were the only ones left in the area. I guess the people around got intimidated, they decided to leave! Whoopee! Haha! There, we coined our term for the century: RaxOnn
We left the microphones for our homie before six and bought some expensive chow before we go.

things

2005-04-10T10:19:00.000+08:00

Hmmm...its another Sunday--another horrific day for plain ol' me.Okay, I was exaggerating. But here's the truth: I'm getting sick of things. It's a shame why I'm always feeling bratty most of the time lately. I'm not like this. I'm supposed to be true to myself and to other people. But heck, no. I dont find myself useful anymore. I dont know of reasons why I'm living. No, don't get me wrong. I don't want to deteriorate just yet. I have lots of stuff to do. But the question I raise is: What stuff? I don't know my purpose and it's crap. I want to love people. I want to please people.

I want to get my darned self back! Who stole me? Some fraud has taken over my body and is currently hitting me psychologically. How foul. How disgustingly foul.

I dont want Sundays to be sad. Nor do I want Saturdays or Fridays to be so, for crying out loud! But it's happening for some vexing reason.

**edited 12apr, orig 10apr

sayberserye iv

2005-04-05T11:15:00.000+08:00

Kaye hesitantly stirred away from the board when the candle they had set earlier to light the room suddenly went out.
“Oh please!” Liz rushed towards her friend and huddled close to her, “Tell me that was just coincidence.”
Just then, loud sounds of breaking and clattering echoed downstairs. The girls gasped and shut their eyes tightly.
“Guys, are you okay? The power’s off!” Rai came back half-running, with a flashlight in her hand. She looked worriedly at her startled friends, “Did you…get an evil one?” She asked, her voice trailing away.
“Wait, wait…” Kaye gathered herself and clambered back before the Ouija. She placed her fingers lightly above the planchette again and breathed hard, “Spirit, are you still around?”
“What are you doing?!”
“O-U-I…” Kaye murmured, ignoring a panic-stricken Liz, “Okay… Spirit, we want to end this…this thing already. You can go now.”
Chilly wind blew into the room—the one that seems to come with a gloomy whistle that lingers in the ears. The drapes floated eerily allowing faint moonlight to enter through the window. Distracted by this and by her dimming flashlight, Rai clutched the rosary beads safe inside her pocket.
“Any luck?” She stuttered, “Is it gone yet?”
“It doesn’t want to…” Kaye’s voice resounded uneasily, “It’s hard to—Oh my gosh… Oh my gosh…”

someone to remember

2005-04-05T10:59:00.000+08:00

**I ask consent , from anyone who is reading this, to allow me to use the title holy father to refer to Karol Józef Wojtyla in this commentary. This is clearly differentiated from the God Almighty’s name which is Holy Father.

I adore the holy father for evident reasons although I can not remember precisely how, or when I started to take interest in knowing what goes on with the Pope. When I see him in the papers or in television, I just dig on to be aware of what’s happening around him. This is why when John Paul II fell sick lately, I couldn’t help but feel jittery. In spite of this, it didn’t occur to me that he wouldn’t be able to carry on anymore because he seemed to be better during Lent. When the reports that he was dying broke out, and when the media began to release all those pre-tributes for him, that is just the time when I started to pray for his recovery. The day after, the world received news that the holy father has finally breathed his last.

It still pains me to think that he’s gone. And my heart does twinge with every memory of his pleasant nature—that charming face and those twinkling eyes likened to a loving grandfather. Lucky are those who have met and encountered the Pope’s warm affection. I especially feel moved when I remember how he had talked to and forgiven that hired Turkish national two years after the latter had executed his assassination attempt on him. How many people in this world would do the same? I can not tell.

Now, it is all done. He is at peace. Quoted from one of the high priests, “He has returned to the house of the Father.”
I cried. Yes I did. Why shouldn’t I when one of those good people left in our race has already left. We lost someone who was a very humble inspiration to both Catholic and non-Catholic worlds; a leader who fought for peace amongst humanity; a father who was entirely committed to the tarnished depiction of the Church; a picture indeed of my Saviour.
But like what I have written above, the holy father now rests in peace. The God above has called this kind-hearted man to be with Him in Paradise for eternity. This is what all of us has to remember when tears roll down our cheeks thinking of reasons why the good Lord allowed Giovanni Paolo II to depart this earthly life. It is cliché to say that he may be gone physically but in our hearts, the Pope always remains. But that is exactly the truth. And nothing, not even Change which is constant, can ever take truth away from us.

SUPERFLUOUS:
Last night I got out of bed to watch that special coverage of ABS-CBN of the Pope’s transfer from the Sistine Chapel, I guess, to the Basilica. I failed to finish the program. I got called to go back to bed for it had already struck past midnight. I had no choice. I had to follow. But I went to sleep with a heavy heart not because I had hard feelings towards my elder. No, I lied down hurting because the day had been a total wreck for me and seeing dear Karol Wojtyla on television seemed to be my only solace and the privilege was still taken away from me. How much of a wreck was my yesterday, you ask? Well, it was so bad that I even managed to utter the words, “Isabay niyo na lang po ako sa inyo, Pope…” I wont answer anymore if someone asks what happened because my reasons will absolutely sound trivial to anyone (even to myself actually) but what I can only disclose is that I was completely psychologically unstable the 4th day of April, 2005.

Sometimes it makes me think I have lunatic tendencies. *sighs*

sayberserye iii

2005-03-22T00:11:00.000+08:00

“Oui… That’s French for ‘yes’, right?”
Liz nodded.
“Okay…” Kaye continued excitedly, “Spirit, are you anywhere near us now?”
Liz felt cold beads of sweat on her forehead as the curtains drifted from the cold breeze that brushed through them.
“Aren’t you gonna sleep yet?” Rai, who has been watching silently by the door, asked. Her forehead creased a little as Liz glanced nervously at her, “I’m still not comfortable about the Ouija idea, guys.”
Kaye just shushed while Liz kept mum.
“Okay, I’m going. Just call me when they arrive” Rai hung her shoulders and walked away to the other room.
The planchette started to move around to the YES spot on the board. Liz closed her eyes and tried not to listen to her friend’s next question. Silence went on for a short while until…
“Spirit, could you give us a sign that you’re around?”
“Kaye!” Liz almost shouted, “Are you out of your mind?”
“Put your fingers back here and keep quiet.” Kaye hissed, “It’s just for fun’s sake, okay?”
Liz shook her head and prepared to stand up when she saw that the planchette had failed to answer and had not moved an inch. But after a while, it nudged.
Kaye held her breath, “I felt it shake…” She looked up shakily at her friend’s wanning face.
Liz felt her hands turning clammy, “Look, let’s stop this.”
Kaye hesitantly stirred away from the board when the candle they had set earlier to light the room suddenly went out.

okay, okay, ive broken my oath

2005-03-21T23:36:00.000+08:00

aight. you see me typing again in english.
and aight, ive disregarded my vow to be bob ong's descendant!
but hey, this is the fastest way i could express my thoughts in cyberspace..

its forty after twenty three at the mo. aaron's grad blow out tomorrow. the day (and the days before obviously) has been very hectic. i helped repaint those garden and monobloc chairs outside. ive finished and hung the curtains. ive helped put on addional benches for the incoming guests. ive held sand and soil, paint and poo?..err not the last one...

well rai, LA, kaye, charles, jo all cant come tomorrow. stuff to do as well. stars. i wish acie could come anyway. or at least kim.

hey i dreamt of tidge the other night. we were really close there. i wonder where all of those hugs and hhww's and hand-to-waist things come from. no malice actually...just plain oh-hi-there-my-fuzzy-wuzzy-cousin...sheesh... anyway, that was my second dream of tidge. the first one was a lot different. but i remember seeing him with big hair. total afro. LA was even there. aight. swooning over him. darn.

ive checked on friendster and have seen some of my elementary classmates. i tried to add them ... hope they could still recall me...or if not...well, at least i hope they approve my request...

ahm...oh, im darn disappointed of the People's Champ's match yesterday. tsktsk...but i still admire his strentgh to be honest. in fact, ive adored him even more coz he never gave the fight up inspite of that deep cut from el terible's headbutt...oww...seven grueling rounds after the blood gush from near his eye, the Destroyer was still up, boxing till the finish. and it was a really close fit...1/13 and 1/15...pacman--officially my idol...

guess it ends here. see ya around again. nite.

PS. creatures have been reading my blog! blimey! =D

this has got to be my longest entry so far!!

2005-03-15T01:04:00.000+08:00

come on, lemme type in english just today
im so darn tired i just wanna sleep all my tuesday away!
but i cant, chem's still holding my life...
oh well, gotta split...
ohugottalemmedreamaboutmarcus!

nabusog ako...ulit

2005-03-13T15:07:00.000+08:00

mag-isa ako sa bahay ngayon. galing kasi ako sa uste kanina. di na ako sumama kina mami papuntang cavite. kinailangan nga kasi ako para sa riserts peyper namin sa Ingles. wala rin namang nangyari, iniwan ko na lang yung mga parapernalya namin kina ste. alas dos ay nasa bahay na ako. at dahil gutom na ang kuripot at di marunong magluto na si ako, nagpasya akong maghanap ng mga bagay-bagay sa prijider na pwede kong ulamin nang painit-init lang ang kailangan. may malamig na manok at konting hamon. ayun. buti may alam naman ako sa pagsasaing. nakakain rin ako nang matiwasay. alas tres na nang chumibog ako.

hindi ko nga lang lubusang nagustuhan dahil sa palagay ko ay nabusog na naman ako. wala sa plano ko ang mabusog. nung biyernes pa kasi ako nabubusog eh. wag mo akong pag-isipan ng masama. tunay ngang walng masama sa pagiging may laman ang tiyan. sa katunayan ay sumasang-ayon ako na biyaya ang bagay na iyon. ngunit hindi ko nga lang talaga gustong maramdamang busog ako. okey na yung kumain nang maayos pero wag ang pakiramdam ng mabigat na tiyan. hindi dahil iniisip kong baka lalo ko pang dagdagan ang timbang ko... ayoko lang talaga. yun na yon.

gayunpaman, tenk yu po, Lord God...sa malamig kong manok, manipis kong hamon, at sa kanin kong lata...

sayberserye ii

2005-03-13T00:35:00.000+08:00

Rai gasped at the sight of the familiar trunk in front of her cousin, “Oh no you didn’t…”
“Yes I did.” Kaye, who had always been the mischievous one in the family, smiled in triumph as she opened the lid of the chest, “Wow…this is a beauty.”
“It’s an Ouija…” Liz sat beside Kaye and looked closely at the board that seemed very old and mysterious, “That’s quite a find…Are we playing?” Liz constantly loved thrill although she was oftentimes the one to back out early during challenges.
“Of course!” Kaye beamed, “C’mon Rai, let’s get this going.”
“Uh…” Rai shook her head, “No thanks. I’ll be sleeping in while anyway.”
“Alright; suit yourself.” Kaye knew better than to force her cousin who always stayed away from ‘potential trouble’. The former held the planchette and marveled at it as she placed it over the board. What could happen at 10 o’clock anyway? She thought.

“It moved.”
“It did not…”
Kaye raised her voice a little, “It did. Would you just watch carefully?”
Liz fell silent as her friend asked if the spirit they had ‘trapped’ was either male or female.
“Masculin?” Kaye snorted, “Oh well, he must have missed the letter ‘e’ in the end of the word. They say it’s tiring for spirits to push the planchette around… At least we know it’s a ‘he’.”
“Masculin is French for ‘male’.” Liz whispered.
“Oh?” Kaye smiled, “Wow, we got La Français then?”
The planchette moved to spell O-U-I.
“Oui… That’s French for ‘yes’, right?”
Liz nodded.

mag-aalasdose na

2005-03-12T23:26:00.000+08:00

tama. malapit nang mag-alas dose. galing kaming es-em kanina lang. kinailangan ko lang talagang mag-onlayn para sa conferencia ko at ng aking mga ka-pangkat sa Ingles. pinag-usapan lang yung tungkol sa riserts peyper namin.aapat lang naman din kaming nanduon kanina. di pa sumasagot si ste.kaya ayun, si jim at chris lamang ang nakachokaran ko nang saglit. wala rin masyadong nangyari gaya ng inaasahan. pero bukas na lang daw ng alas-onse magkikita sa oreynj pleys para matapos na ang trabaho.

sampung minuto na lang ang hinihintay ng orasan ng aking kompyuter bago maghatinggabi. nakabukas ngayon sa isa pang bintana ang frendster at isang onlayn ridel geym naman sa kabila. eksayted na akong sumagot! whoopee!..
uy! uy! lebel tu na ako sa zest! medyo nakakatakot yung litrato ah...kinakabahan ako...pero oks to, astig... tenk yu, bagwis! matutulog na ako mamayang konti...magsisimba kasi kami ng alas-sais bukas di ba?

nga pala, oo, dumating si mommy nung huwebes. nakakatuwa, naunahan ko pa sina dadi nun kahit ako yung nanggaling sa uste. mga sampung minuto din akong naghintay sa tapat ng casino. ayos naman ang dating ni momy. andun na siya sa labas nang dumating kami sa paliparan kung kaya't wala nang pahirapan. *o, alas-dose na!*

nung biyernes naman (hindi ba't lagpas alas-dose na kaya linggo na ngayon?), siyempre pumasok ako sa uste para kumuha ng pagsusulit sa sosyolohiya. andun na ako ng alas-siete kahit alas-siete-y-media talaga ang oras ng pagkuha noon. noong miyerkules kasi, pinagsaraduhan kami ng pinto ng aming propesor nang mahuli kami ng limang minuto sa kadahilanang hindi namin alam kung saang silid gaganapin ang klase niya. nanigurado na uloy ako noong biyernes. pagkatapos noon ay inakala kong makaasibat at makakauwi na ako. ngunit mayroon pa palang programang dapat panoorin sa med odi. kaleyj event daw kaya kailangan ang aming presensya. halos magmukmok ako noon habang nanonood. buti na lang kahit paano ay sumayaw si kuya paul. medyo okey na. pero inis pa rin ako. atat akong umuwi para mag-duty fri. kaya tinulugan ko na lang ang programa at nagising na lamang ako nang ang dean na namin ang nagsasalita. patapos na. whoopee! sigaw ng damdamin ko...

duty fri. konti lang ang binili dahil wala naman talaga sa plano naming mamimili ng sankaterbang mamahaling tsokolate doon na pwede mo rin namang mabili sa es-em. kaya ayun. konting hershey's, iilang cadbury, at dalawang dosenang cheezmania lamang ang laman ng aming kart doon. samahan mo na rin pala ng kakarampot na de lata at chicharia na pinansaid sa dala naming maliit na halaga.
pagkatapos noon, uniwide na. groseris. dun kami nagtagal. gaya ng inaasahan ko, sandamakmak na kabagayan ang binili doon. hindi iyon masama. ganun lang talaga ang nakagawian namin. alas-otso na kami nakauwi noon. pagod. sobra.

kahapon naman, nag-es-em nga kami. nagpa-trim ako at nagyo'y wala na ang pagkarami kong isplit ends. yay! gabi na rin nakauwi. alas-nuwebe. doble pagod.

kaya ngayon, magpapahinga na ako. may lakad na naman bukas. hektik. iba na talaga kapag selebriti. gudnayt na ha. zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz.....................................zz.....

relihiyon

2005-03-07T11:30:00.000+08:00

lunes nanaman. panibagong simula, sabi nga nila. panibagong pag-suong sa kalsada, sabi ko. bukod pa doon, panibagong mga takdang-aralin at pagpapasakit na naman sa paaralan. haay...

buti na lang malapit nang umuwi si mommy. sa huwebes na yon. tatlong tulog na lang. naalala ko noong kabataan ko *kahit na bata pa naman ako ngayon* na tuwing darating ang aking mommy para magbakasyon dito sa Pilipinas, binibilang ko sa aking mga daliri kung ilang gabi na lang ang nalalabi bago kami magkitang muli, matapos ang halos o higt labindalawang buwan. ngayon ay nauulit na naman iyon. sa katunayan ay mas kapanapanabik para sa akin ang uwi niya ngayon sapagkat ako'y nasa kolehiyo na nga at inaasahan niyang mas marami akong maikukuwento sa kanya...

maaari nga. higit pa sa isandaan at isang bahagdan...

kakain na ako. hinihintay na ako nina joan at charles.

siya nga pala...ako'y nasa ikalimang palapag ng aklatang sentral ng unibersidad ng Santo Tomas--dito sa seksyong panrelihiyon...

sayberserye

2005-03-06T00:32:00.000+08:00

sapagkat nauuso ngayon ang kung ano-anong klaseng serye...
at dahil tinatamad akong mag-theo, eto ang handog ko para sa inyo...

DISKLEYMER:
ang sumunod na kuwento ay hindi tunay na naganap sa buhay ng mga tauhan at pawang katha ko lamng ang lahat para sana sa writing contest ng true philippine ghost stories noong nakaraang taon...di ako nanalo eh...kaya eto...
PS: patawad sapagkat ito'y nasa-ingles...

La Mémoire

“Hey, where’s Kaye?” Rai sipped her hot chocolate and glanced at her friend whose eyes were glued at the TV screen in front of them.

The setting: One quiet night at Kaye’s ancestral home in the province where her grandmother lived. Her favorite cousin, Rai, and Liz, who was best friend to both girls, were staying in the pad for a week to celebrate their graduation from secondary school. Kaye’s elder brother, Chad, her mom, Mrs. Vera, and her grandma, whom the girls fondly called Nan, all drove to another relative’s place earlier that evening and left the house to the three.

“Hello—o…” Rai waved her hand in front of Liz.
“Yeah…uh…what?”
Rai shook her head and crossed her arms, “So what are you watching?”
“Um…” Liz pulled a throw pillow and hugged it, “Some horror flick…”
Rai yawned and rested her head over one side of the couch. She was about to close her eyes to doze off when she felt something frosty on her shoulder. She wouldn’t have minded it had it not sent prickly shingles over her spine. Rai bolted up and looked around--Nothing but Liz who was peeking at the boob tube through the slits of her fingers.
“I found it!” Kaye’s voice broke Rai’s thoughts.
Both girls in the living room got to their feet and ran upstairs. They found Kaye in the Master bedroom, sitting on the floor, duvets and pillow cases sprawled around her.
“Found what?” Liz asked her friend.
Rai gasped at the sight of the familiar trunk in front of her cousin, “Oh no you didn’t…”

**itutuloy**
..nyahakhakhakhakhak...

sa aking tahanan

2005-03-05T23:50:00.000+08:00

ako ngayon ay wala sa ust. sa katunayan, narito ako ngayon sa aming tahanan sa paranaque. isang pagkakataon ito na sa tingin ko ay matagal na panahon bago maulit.
malamang nasisiraan nga ako ng ulo sapagkat heto ako ngayon sa harapan ng kompyuter at gumagawa nito sa kabila ng sankaterbang dapat kong pag-aralan at tapusin para sa mga huling araw namin ngayong semestre sa unibersidad. ngunit sinusulit ko lang naman ang internet kard kong pldt vibe, na nanlugi sa akin ng malaki...at ang tunay na pakay ko ay maghanap ng retrato para sa proyekto ko sa teologia.
kung kaya't ngayon ay aalis na ako nang pansamantala.
sa susunod na, pag nasa aklatang sentral na ako...
adios!

sa wakas

2005-03-03T09:22:00.000+08:00

sa wakas.
natapos na rin ang isang linggong pighati ko. nakita mo naman siguro sa aking huling mensahe ang naging kinahinatnan ng mga kaganapan sa aking buhay estudyante noong nagdaan. akalain mong naging primyadong inglesera ako doon...

nakabibilib.

minsan kasi, mas nagiging madali para akin ang pagsulat kapag nasa ingles. hindi ako nagmamayabang. mahal ko ang aking pagka-pilipino. ngunit sadyang may mga isyung mas kaya kong bigyan ng buhay kapag isinulat ko na sa banyagang wika na ito. muli, nais kong linawin na ako ay tunay na may dugong pilipino. kahit minsan ako'y nangarap ding maging ingles , mas masaya naman ako sa pagiging pilipino ko. mabuhay ang pilipinas! ngayon ay ipinapayo ko sa iyo na dumiretso na sa sumunod na talata sapagkat nagsasayang ka lamang ng panahon sa pagbabasa ng isang usaping hindi ko naman talaga nais talakayin.

ngayon ay huwebes na. nakamamanghang isipin na matatapos na naman ang linggo. nakakatuwang isipin na matatapos na namin ang semestreng ito sa loob ng dalawang linggo na lamang.

yahoo! ang sigaw ng mga kabataang nais nang lumaya mula sa mahihigpit ng kapit ng kemistri, pisika, narsing pangkomunidad, etcetera etcetera.

yahoo! ang sigaw ng mga propesor na sa wakas ay lalayuan na pansamantala ng mga naglalakihang tinik sa kanilang lalamunan.

waah! ang hiyaw ng mga kainan, dormitoryo, at taga-siroks sa paligid ng unibersidad na mawawalan ng mga kostumer ngayong bakasyon.

sa wakas. konti na lang at makakatulog na ako nang mas matagal.

doomed

2005-02-24T09:59:00.000+08:00

doomed.
yeah i guess i am.
a silly fib last time and now this.

how am i supposed to look at everyone now?
when i feel that ive been the most disgraceful thing that ever happened in the college.
yes it may happen to everyone.
chances are things like this occur everytime.

but not with me.

im not used with being perplexed like this
im not used with dirty looks thrown at me
im not used with dagger-like words ringing in my ears

i am not intelligent
i am not popular
i am not your social ms. know-it-all

im someone distant
im someone reserved
im someone who enjoys solace
...or just the company of those dear to me

i never felt so useless before
so pathetic
so blunt

these days have wounded my persona deep
ive trampled on my ego
ive bruised my soul
ive made my life completely miserable

now im hurting

i want to hit the road and stay at home for good
i want to leave school and be forgotten
i want to sleep and just wake up when everything's done

i want to cry

dad...im sorry im flawed
classmates...im sorry im a coward
friends...im sorry im an eejit
Lord God...im sorry ive sinned

prima poste?

2005-02-18T02:10:00.000+08:00

bakit prima? sapagkat ito ang una kong post dito sa aking "blog" na maituturing.
bakit poste? sapagkat wala akong maisip na salin sa Filipino ng salitang 'post' kung kaya't poste na lamang ang naisipan kong ilagay dito. *hi, maam taruc*

ehem.
minsan na akong nagkaroon ng online journal sa ibang website. totoong naging progresibo ang mga unang sandaling ipinamalagi ko rito ngunit unti-unting nabago ang lahat sa paglipas ng panahon. kung inyong sisipatin ang tabulas.com/~shamrock, ay makikita ninyong noong buwan pa ng Mayo ng taong nagdaan ang petsa kung kailan ko ''nai-poste'' ang huli kong artikulo sa aking blog. isa pa, tunay ngang kakarampot ang mga mababasa ninyon roon.

ngayon, maari ninyong maitanong kung bakit pinabayaan kong mabulok (na halos katulad ng isang palakang binalatan at hindi kaagad nilagyan ng alkohol) na lamang nang ganoon ang aking minsang sinintang blog. mayroon akong ilang rason.

una, hindi ako naka-dsl. ako po ay isang ordinaryong mamamayan ng paranaque na bumibili ng prepaid internet kard na nagkakahalaga ng sandaang piso na dapat kong ipagkasya sa loob ng isang buwan upang makatipid at maipambili ng iba pang bagay ang aking ipong salapi. ang beinte hanggang treinta hora na ihinahandog ng aking kard ay sapat na para sa aking ''cyberneeds'' at minsan ay sumusobra pa nga kung kaya't wala akong maisip na dahilan para magpa-dsl at mabutasan ng bulsa.

pangalawa, maraming iba pang kaakit-akit na tanawin sa internet. habang akoy inip na naghihintay sa pagloload ng aking webpage ay hindi ko maiwasang mabighani sa sayang maibibigay sa akin ng ibatibang website sa paligid. ang resulta nito ay tinatawag kong *sorry for the jargon* acute catamaranis...kung kayat nababalewala ko ang aking dapat na poste at binubura ko ang tabulas.com/~shamrock/createpost at pinapalitan ko ito ng rotten.com, etc..

pangatlo, masakit isiping nakaupo lamang ako sa harap ng aking kompyuter at nagsasayang ng mahalagang oras habang ang aking dadi ay maghapon ding abala sa paggawa at pagkilos sa loob at labas ng aming tahanan.

aww.

ngayon ang tanong ko ay: magagawa ko ulit kayang pabayaan ang blog na itong kalawangin at tuluyang maging isang palamuti sa internet?

sa totoo lamang, maari. ngunit naniniwala akong hindi na tulad ng aking blog noon sapagkat:

una, naka-dsl ang uste.

pangalawa, tila umonti na ang nakahahalinang site sa internet. pulos pornograpiya ang makikita mo.

pangatlo, saglit lang ang panahong ginigugol ko rito. yaon lamang oras pagkatapos ng chem lab, bago mag theo.

WAKAS