supercalifragilisticexpialodocious

ho-hum

2006-11-16T09:07:00.000+08:00

i'm back with an uninteresting post.

it's nursing week and i'm enjoying myself--not. ok well, i prolly am (sort of) but in spite of all the little events happening around the college, i feel like i'm in the death row. blimey. yesterday was supposed to be a fun day--the start of the nursing days celebration, the moment to wear our college's vintage shirt, the first time for me to put on mom's 80's earrings at UST. but because of an unfortunate event, everything seemed to turn inside-out.

what's more is that i feel so darn awful about having to hurt ma'am jurado (although i swear that i didnt have to do anything with it) when in fact i soooo highly respect her and think of her as another mom. it surprised to me feel down the moment i saw her shedding her tears in front of the group yesterday. it just brought back memories of what happened to my family last 3rd of May (just this year).

my (real) mom got hurt and that time it was because of my inner little demon. stupid impatience, that is... i admit. i could be very very impatient. and that's the reason why i never want to be a teacher. i would just end up hurting my student and myself as well... just as i have unhesitantly grabbed that new, shining surgical blade and jammed it across the inner aspect of my forearm which cost me an inch long of a bulging scar.

i've learned my lesson from that incident. i think i really did. but i'm still scared it would happen again anytime later. and a couple of things i would really need to prevent it is a much longer string of patience and a lifelong supply of respect for the human body.

nothin

2006-11-14T16:10:00.000+08:00

just posted to keep this blog goin... ciao! :)

sept_four

2006-09-13T10:06:00.000+08:00

as the usher lead us to what i supposed was row L, we noticed a woman in her late 40’s to mid 50’s seated comfortably on the seat next to the aisle where one of the tickets we had was for. i stared on keenly as the usher (which I had only properly noted because LA cheekily described him to look like Paul Marazzi) tried his best to talk the woman into vacating that particular seat and moving to another, which apparently, was not situated near the aisle. the woman, at first, only laughed off Paul Marazzi’s plea and continued to sit with folded arms, seemingly insulted with our “interruption”. PM continued with his request, maintaining his cool composure till a fellow usher came along to help him with the situation. the two managed to get the sulking woman off seat #21 after some more begging and finally, LA and I received the cue to lean back and rest our elated butts onto the precious patron chairs.

barely able to contain my excitement, i sat uncomfortably on seat #20 and tried to ignore the spillage in front of me. “must’ve been made by the woman a while ago”, i shrugged it off. i spent time gazing around the place like a little kid amazed by all the twinklings of a starry, starry night. makes sense since the backdrop of the stage was of a star-studded design (we certainly couldn’t afford to have one of those blinking-bulb-filled stage concepts they have in Europe). on the upper boxes, i could only see around half (or less than) the original seating capacity meant for the area. devastation swept over me. “people can’t be ignoring this concert… what will the lads say about this?”

two rows behind me, an almond eyed girl was crowded upon by men who carried lights and by a lady who was talking with a microphone brought close to her lips. an interview, the idea registered in my mind quickly. lucky fan. she spoke with much confidence and composure just worthy for primetime telecast (if you know what i mean). the media people gave her a free bag afterwards and i (sort of) breathed a sigh of relief to find out that it was not Westlife material at all. the freebie was from PLDT, if my memory serves me right. that time, i also told LA to keep my banner rolled because i wasn’t ready to be interviewed just as well. (talk about high hopes…)

on seat #17 was a guy with whom i kept on colliding glances with from the very moment my bestfriend and i were brought to row L. he must be Kuya Sam, my mind chirped excitedly. i tried to look at the girl on his right but I decided to call the idea off because i’d just appear stupid doing it. gathering some guts, i called his attention after a while and stammered, “excuse me po, kayo po ba si Sam?” the lad smiled and nodded affirmatively as i shook his hand. he gestured to the girl next to him who was busy doing an SMS. “this is Esmie”, he said. i waved and gave her an awkward grin which she acknowledged positively. Kuya Sam got back to me and mentioned that Shayne and Aud were still not around. i smiled and reasoned that they were probably just caught in the traffic.

i could not remember clearly whether this incident actually occurred even before i’ve noticed the interview with Ms. Almond Eyes (there go bits of memory flying again). LA, who had been looking around herself, spotted this woman who carried along with her a mass of Westlife CDs. “magaganda ba yung mga kanta nila sa bagong album?” she asked me. i nodded yes and with that, my bestfriend decided to get a copy of Face to Face. i supported (or urged, more likely) her to buy the album even if it was priced at P460 because i also got mine at Odyssey at the same amount. i took out two crisp P20 bills from my Thai pouch and handed it to LA. it was a simple joy to see her gushing over the CD as she held it in her hands. i actually wished she had found the chance to purchase it much much sooner so that she could appreciate the concert more since it was, of course, part of the Face to Face Tour.

i was starting to feel jittery in my seat a few minutes later. i had expected the show to start late but i still felt sweating bullets rushing in my arteries. i could not get the fact that westlife was just behind that starry backdrop off my head. just sharing the Big Dome with them was enough to put me in a whirlwind.

i kept on glancing at my wrist for the time. soon, my bestfriend had contented herself by having her photo taken with a guy from PDA. i couldn't care much when we saw them coming over the first few rows of the patron seats to have their pictures taken for airing later on (they had won tickets to the concert, see?). i hardly knew their names. only one of them was familiar to me since i've seen an episode of the sitcom wherein his wife and son paid him a good visit at the 'academy'. Yvan's the name of the lad.

after posing for the cameras, the 'scholars', as what i think they were called, moved to where their tickets were actually for -- Lower Box A. that was when, a few minutes after, a number of people (including my bestfriend) approached them for their own series of mini-photo shoots. it was also around that time when two girls came along and took the vacant seats between me and Kuya Sam. they were formally intorduced to me and i shook their hands childishly. that instance, i thought the 'message board peeps' were lovely. anyway, i always thought that WL fans were a bunch of nice people. i was happy theses new acquaintances didn't disappoint me.
LA came back to her seat shortly, laughing at how she and the PDA guy looked in the picture. too much lighting, she chirped. i gave out a laugh and agreed. then, after letting out a deep breath, i excused myself and hurried for the loo. i couldnt afford to miss the start of the show but rushing for relief in the middle of it would be a huge mistake.

upon returning from the comfort room, i got all the more jumpy (from the aura of the whole place, i guess) but i still made it a point to tell another red-vested usher about the spill on my portion of the floor. i got back to my bestfriend and we spent a few minutes yakking about the Irish boys whom we we were wying to see until...

lights off.

the crowd roared zealously. i felt adrenaline rushing to my head. people started to stand up and even LA was quick as a fox to dash to the aisle and make it towards the stage. my mind was instantly in a roll and the next thing i know, i was also running with only my cam and banner in hand. i screamed madly whilst the lads marched up and intotheir respective places. my bestfriend and i actually stood before the middle part of the stage at first. but when Mark made his way to the rightmost side of the dais, he 'magnetized' us along with him!

i didn't actually mind that moment. i even thought i had the best place in the coliseum! LA and i screamed our hearts (and lungs?) out together with other fans while Mark stood quietly approximately 1.5-2 metres acorss us! i couldnt believe my eyes. for the first time, i was gazing at Mark Feehily in the flesh. He was sooo close yet so far!

i pushed on closer against the barrier before me and extended my left arm to wave at the lovely guy while he was waiting for his turn to do the vocals. i took my first video of him and paid no heed to the fact that the video was rather lousy as people around were also in an ecstatic mode and were literally bumping against each other. hence, my shaking hands was no use to keep the digicam still. i noticed the cute bulk of Mark's midesction. i smiled and thought he was still perfect. my eyes darted to the left and instantly, the sight of Nicky wowed me. He looked good in pictures but in person, he was just soo darn finer! He was like a man-made creation, made to look as an object of perfection. like one of those made by the dieties to lure mortals into their end. he was sort of 'an image to behold'... okay, i'm probably exaggerating but i'm definitely positive of the byrning aura Nicky exuded that moment. hotness, i thought.

Kian and Shane were both at the opposite end of the stage during the first two songs (correct me if i'm wrong; my memory that night was extremely selective) so i couldnt really see them well yet. nonetheless, i still shouted their names crazily once in a while. i also love them, you know...

since i was mostly taking awkward shots of Mark with my cam, i didn't know what to do with my (still rolled) banner. finally, i tried to unroll it and unveil the special message inside; much to my vexation, it wouldnt straighten out well! i had expected to have a hard time unrolling the banner since it was of cartolina and the letters were of cartolina (and outlined with glow-in-the-dark glue) as well. i just didn't think it would be that difficult to have it opened up. alas, after several attempts and simultaneous photo/video takings, the red cartolina slipped from my fingers and fell on the other side of the barrier, with only the last line unrolled. the portion where the first two lines were, was still loosely rolled up. i was aghast! even LA was. i swallowed and stuttered that it was alright but things just started to buzz into my head. why did i lose the banner that soon? i've worked on it the Tuesday and Sunday before the concert but now, i wouldnt be able to let Mark get even a whiff of it!

i stared wide-eyed at the 5 letters glowing amidst the dimmed ambience.

K-E-V-I-N

strangely, the name seemed to mock me. i tried to get back to watching the boys again as if nothing had happened. much to my delight, Mark had advanced towards where i was standing and had seemed to be only a stone's throw away. all i could remember was me screaming at the tope of my lungs along with tons of other fans. and i didn't care about how loud i was becoming because i thought i had the reason to be so. we all had.

"Mark, Mark!" from my right, i heard my bestfriend suddenly calling out frantically. she gestured towards the banner on the floor. i watched closely as Mark's eyes darted downwards. for a while, i was quite negative that he saw the glowing name that was actually facing him. but soon after he had glanced below, he flashed those pearly whites of his before looking ahead again.

needless to say, i got thrilled!

"oh my gosh!" i mumbled out loudly and just stood there for a while, awestrucked. he saw it. he definitely saw it and he even smiled because of it. it has seemed as if God has wanted the banner to drop facing the stage for my sake after all. He's just brilliant, isn't He?

LA and i gushed at what just happened. even she kept on screaming and repeating about how Mark had acknowledged the red banner with a smile. a warm feeling ran from my deepest gut towards the peripheries of my body. it was a feeling of unexpected happiness, i suppose.

"baka naman akala niya 'Mark loves Kevin' yung nakalagay sa banner..." my bestfriend said suddenly, interrupting my thoughts.

i only shrugged it off and just stared ahead at Mark who had then moved to a spot in the middle of the stage, "kahit na.." i told LA.

the boys were singing their 3rd song for the night (when you're looking like that) when a tall, robust man happened to walk across us by the other side of the steel barrier. an idea popped into my head immediately and so when he finally paused in front of where i stood, i gave him an unhesitant tap on the shoulder. "can you pick up my banner for me, sir?", i asked when he stirred. the man bent over, took the half-rolled cartolina and handed it to me without any word. i thanked him and beamed at my bestfriend.

i asked her to help me unroll the red thing and at last we managed to pull the banner open. LA and i got hold of two corners each and held the wrinkled cartolina as high as we could. we called Mark by his name, an attempt that seemed pointless at first. but as if it was all meant to happen that way, Mark looked at our direction amidst the noise and sure enough, he spotted the banner AND the complete message it had wanted to convey in the first place. i thought i saw his eyes studying every letter of the short sentence that glowed lightly. when he was done analyzing what was on the dingy cartolina, he smiled again and that time around, he added a wink that sent me and LA screaming even louder! i felt like fainting. it was one of the loveliest parts of the evening. in fact i think the whole banner experience was truly unforgettable!

i wish

i were

KEVIN

oh yes i do, Mark! :P

i could not explain in words the joy and excitement that swept over me. it was just... bliss.

all the time i've been screaming and finding a way to unroll the stubborn cartolina, a little voice in my head has kept on nagging about the blue plastic bag i had left on my seat when i dashed for the stage at the start of the concert. inside the bag were my

1) Thai pouch (with my money and mobile phone inside it)

2) F2F CD

3) tickets (including LA's) to the event

4) 'love-you-back' teddy which i had brought to throw on the stage (for Mark, of course)

alas, i convinced myself to risk losing the special spot where i had been standing

vid

2006-09-07T12:55:00.000+08:00

http://s10.photobucket.com/albums/a119/ja_rulez/?action=view&current=f9d8d293.flv

--was cut short... will have to upload the full versh sometime... :)

:)

2006-09-03T18:03:00.000+08:00

the concert would be tomorrow!!!!

oh my gosh...

will post next time... whenever that is...

whooee!

2006-09-01T16:10:00.000+08:00

exams are done! i feel a lil lightheaded now! but wait... i still got a full shced tomorrow! aack...

good thing there's next week's monday night... haha! aka w-e-s-t-l-i-f-e-n-i-g-h-t!

e-x-c-i-t-e-m-e-n-t

2006-08-31T12:26:00.000+08:00

what more can i say? from today, it'll only be a matter of 4 nocturnal sleeps before the night we 'lifers have all been waiting for!

for what? the friggin concert, that's what! after 5 years of excruciating wait, the Life has finally included this tropical country of ours in the list for their Asian tour...

-_-

2006-07-06T16:56:00.000+08:00

i do not have intentions of erasing the previous post. that was part of my hard work! i couldnt get yahoomail right in the 5th floor computer (here in central lib) so i decided to put that up temporarily in here. anyway, i have already posted the whole content in our yahoogroup just now.

gotta cut this short. i have tons of things to do tonight.

le gra.

argh

2006-07-06T15:53:00.000+08:00

JT (jejunostomy tube), IVF (left hand)

07/06 VS: 8am: 140/80, 85, 15, 37C
12n: 140/80, 86, 18, 37C

I&O: NPO/800cc urine q1
NGT: 15cc (8am)
JP: 15cc (8am) q4
IVF: #5 D5NR (3:30am-11.30am) 30gtts/min with 150cc infused at 10-6 shift

> interview: (-) allergies; (+) DM; (+) hpn
> LMBR, EDB, elastic stockings on both legs
> CBG monitoring q8; salbutamol nebulization (alternating with NSS) q4; incentive spirometry q6

MEDS:
07/03 ranitidine 50mg/IV q8
ampi-sulbactin **sulbactan nakita ko sa drug guide** 750 mg/IV q8
07/04 paracetamol 30mg/IV q4
07/05 bactidol gargle for 30 secs for 2 days
07/06 morphine SO4 **morphine sulfate** 0.02%/10cc/EC -- given

! insulin given on 07/04 @ 8pm = 156 mg/dL
07/05 4am = 136 mg/dL
12N = 120 mg/dL
8pm = 135 mg/dL
07/06 4am = 136 mg/dL

***************************************

06/06 CT Scan
Hx: 2 mo. hx = jaundice, pruritus
endoscopy showed ampullary mas, adrenocarcinoma

(liver) = intrahepatic bile ducts mildly dilated
= hyperdense tubular structure with streak artifacts in the ampullary region
= atherosclerotic internal calcifications in the abdominal aorta

06/27 **guys, di ko sure kung blood to o urine...sorry...di ko pa rin nababasa...**
Total CHON 8g/dL
Globulin 3.9 g/dL
Na 136 mmol/L
** ciprofloxacin 500mg/tab also prescribed this day**

06/28 **eto, sa POS ko nakuha**
intermediate to high risk MI/ cardiac death from procedure
**ISMN 30mg/tab 1 tab OD prescribed this day**

the ff are (+):
hypertension(hpn) from may 2006
ampullary mass
occasional angina
PND **i looked it up and found it as Paroxsymal Nocturnal Dyspnea**
easy fatigability
palpitations
(fam hx) hpn in both parents
DM

the ff are (-):
syncope
asthma
PTB
allergies
thyroid disorders
**saka...non-alcoholic and non-smoker siya...**

**the client takes irbesartan 150mg OD for hpn**

07/01 Urinalysis
= light yellow
= sl. turbid
= pH 6.5
= sp. grav 1.015
= rbc 0-2 hpf
= pus cells 0-2 hpf
= squamous cells +
= bacteria ++
= urates ++++

07/04 Clinical Chemistry (specimen: blood which is A+)
= Na 145 mmol/L
= K 4.3 mmol/L <3.8-5>
= ionized Ca 1.23 mmol/L <1.18-1.3>
**normal naman lahat no? nakalimutan ko kung bakit kinuha ko pa to...**

CBC
= RBC 3.99
= RDW 12.6
= WBC 17.90
= segmenters 0.88
= lymphocytes 0.07

*************************

ADDITIONALS:

4 mos PTA
= jaundice, pruritus
= alcoholic stools, tea-coloured urine
= mild RUQ pain (PS about 2/10)
= consulted provincial hosp>> assessment: obstructive pain; advised further work-up

1 mo PTA
= UTZ>> obstructive biliary ductal tract disease
= rx>> ERCP **nasa MS book to** with stenting for relief
= biopsy>> ampullary adenocarcinoma (configured by CT Scan)
= advised surgery

! biopsy>> rubbery tissue fragments measuring a total of 1.3 x 0.6 x 0.2 cm
>> entire specimen taken
>> malignant neoplasm of branching glands lined by atypical cells with round to ovoid stratified hyperchromatic nuclei with little cytoplasm

ROS:
(+) headache
anorexia
wt loss
easy fatigability
cosntipation

(-) fever
hematamesis
melena
dysuria

***************************************************

NURSE'S NOTES 07/06

= NGT-GD yellowish output minimal output
= indwelling catheter draining yellowish output
= jejunostomy tube left nostril **ganyan yung nakasulat dun pero mali diba? sa jejunum nga yung JT eh...o ako lang yung naduling?**
= epidural cathether
= post-op dressing dry and intact
= may not reinsert NGT and JT if accidentally pulled out **di ko lam kung bakit?**

seAmrog

2006-06-29T16:45:00.000+08:00

The truth behind the shamrock

The shamrock is an iconic imageThousands of people don a shamrock on St Patrick's Day but how many know their trifolium repens from their oxalis acetosella? BBC News Online unearthed the truth rooted behind the myth.

It is commonly believed the shamrock is a clover - the Gaelic word seamrog means "little clover" - but the botanical world is not so sure.

There is much debate about which species is the real thing and some of the likely candidates are not even classified as clover.

This confusion is partly down to the mythology of the shamrock and the different representations that have appeared in Celtic artwork through the centuries.

According to Irish legend, the druids in Ireland looked at the shamrock as a sacred plant because its leaves formed a triad. Three was a mystical number in the Celtic religion.
Then St Patrick, who was thought to be born in Wales, used the shamrock in the 5th century to teach people about Christianity as he travelled around Ireland.
He told people that each of the three leaves illustrated the Father, the Son and the Holy Spirit of the Holy Trinity.

WHICH IS THE TRUE SHAMROCK?
trifolium dubium (lesser trefoil) 46%
trifolium repens (white clover) 35%
medicap lupulina (black medick) 7%
oxalis acetosella (wood sorrel) 5%
trifolium pratense (red clover) 4%

Source: Survey of Irish people by Charles Nelson, 1988 Old Irish manuscripts make no reference to this in connection with St Patrick, so this is likely to be pure mythology.
According to Nathaniel Colgan, the botanist and author of The Flora Of County Dublin in 1904, people even ate the shamrock in times of famine.

In the 19th century it became a symbol of rebellion against the English and began to be strongly associated with Irish identity. Apparently anyone wearing it risked death by hanging.
Botanist Charles Nelson carried out a shamrock survey in 1988 for his book Shamrock: botany and history of an Irish myth.

He asked Irish people to collect what they imagined to be shamrocks and send them to him.
The shamrock is known from artwork and not from an exact botanical representation, so to fix a species to it is quite difficult

James Armitage,Royal Horticultural Society

The top five species can all be found in northern Europe and all but two are forms of clover. Only the trifolium can strictly be called clover.

The trifolium dubium, which can be found throughout the British Isles, was the most common in Dr Nelson's survey.
It is an annual plant which grows to 25cm in height, and can be bought in seed packets.

The trifolium repens, or white clover, is commonly found on lawns as a wildflower.

Scottish puzzle

James Armitage of the Royal Horticultural Society in Wisley told BBC News Online the five species were all similar looking plants.

"They have this trifoliate leaf so if you are not an expert they can be easily confused.

"The shamrock is known from artwork and not from an exact botanical representation, so to fix a species to it is quite difficult.

"The plant itself is not particularly fascinating. It's slightly weedy and grows in grassy areas and open ground."

He said there was a similar conundrum surrounding the Scottish thistle because no one was sure what species it was meant to represent.

The four-leaf clover is said to be a lucky charm and it comes about when the plant mutates.

back from rest

2006-06-29T15:40:00.000+08:00

ive posted a cool link...
that's all...hehe...
PS! i was not talking about steven in my latest post okay?!

back from rest

2006-06-29T15:29:00.000+08:00

aha! i have got a nice linkie! go check it out!

copied from raxonn...

2005-11-19T16:42:00.000+08:00

right. and i'm still at school, waiting for steven villaraza's pageant. earlier, i wanted to hit the road and leave. after all, i dont have my close friends (which are only two) in the class with me anyway. sometimes i feel like an idiot amidst all the swarming people around. i feel like a rock. not because i'm strong. i'm a rock because i feel insignificant. insignificant to everybody. but i chose not to leave. truth is, i even worked on ste's denims again. and blimey, now i dont feel so bad anymore. true. if i'm in a smoke-puffing (like that of a dragon perhaps) mood right now, i wouldve written "...i even worked on ste's FRIGGIN denims again". but hey, i didnt. so that must really mean, i'm feelin well already.

i'm a pathetic creature. i tried communicating with him. and by golly, he responds like we really know each other. but dang, why is it that i feel like tearing up the ground and burying myself underneath it whenever our paths would literally cross? no kidding. its awful. it makes me feel sooper stupid.
hmm lets pull out some possible reasons behind this attitude.

1. maybe because hes got a lot of people around him always. and of course i wouldnt wanna be gossiped about being his stalker. i mean, hey. he did get my attention but puhleese. that doesnt mean i'm goin gaga over him. the only guy i "passionately" care about is now kevin mcdaid's. yup. he's G-A-Y (err...dont tell me the other guy i'm talkin about right now is homo too).

2. maybe because he's pleasing to the eyes. and i'm not. :) nuff said.

3. maybe bacause i'm scared of guys. nah. i've practically lived 17 years (and counting)of my existence with just my dad and brother. and i did have guy classmates in primary school, mind you.

4. maybe because i aint eloquent enough. aaarrgh!!!!!! terrible! gotta have the BLARNEY STONE! uhm...will somebody get me that for a Christmas present?

i'll probably have to end this. i gotta watch steven. i gotta see my pants!...i mean... his pants. uhm... thats it. oh before i forgot. we won the cheering and basketball competitions. hurrah for the sophomores!

ta-ta!

back

2005-11-17T09:58:00.000+08:00

its amazing how fast time goes. one day i'm in first year and the next day i'm here in the second, "a capped student nurse" and all. my last post here is a more than a month old and i realise twas all about marcus. pathetic enough. yet there are no regrets. and by golly, i'd be even happier if he can read that personally. even pathetic.

okay enough now about my lost love. err..maybe not. not so long ago, i started an experiment on my mushy slash true stury novel making skills. at the mo i have done a little. maybe less than ten peragraphs. and guess what. it's still about marcus. whoopee! applause for the plan to quit thinking of my gay man! tis in vain again! the story tackles three main characters. Kolbe, Martin, and Riah (truth is i still cant make up my mind on what to call the girl since her name right now kinda stinks).

i'ma cut this short and leave you hanging for a while. i gotta get to the dorm to watch homeboy. its gonna showcase the ex housemates of pbb and my mates know i'm a sucker for bob.

i'll spill more about my novel soon.

i hope.

marcus

2005-08-23T02:34:00.000+08:00

aug nineteen unexpected tears washed away my world. my mind ached. my heart broke into shards. my soul tore itself apart. until today i cry inside of myself asking why i still live this bad dream. i want to wake up. i want to bolt and dash to where he is. if only that's possible. if only i can do anything to take care of him. to show him i loved him. to prove i can be better than some guy i now envy. right. some guy. i hate myself for not being able to face this like i should. i hate myself for rejecting reality. i hate myself for crying over what isnt mine. i hate myself for not being happy for him instead.. if he's content with him then i should be alright too since i have always been praying to my dear Lord for the happiness he deserves. but i couldnt. i cant keep myself from crying. i cant keep my blood from boiling when i think of it. i'm not actually feeling anger. i'm feeling jealousy. infact i'm green with envy. he was the one he chose to love. he's the luckiest person in the world. had my Love picked a girl to care for him, i wouldnt feel too bad. i have always prayed for the best for him. if this is the happiness he wants, i cant do anything about it. it's jut that i didnt think it was gonna be this painful--knowing he's in love with someone i could potentially like too as a heterosexual. he's killing me. and darned bad that he doesnt know about it. i get weak when i hear his voice. my chest tightens and my primer and power pumps stop functioning. i lose my breath. my vision gets cloudy from the tears trickling from my oculars. i'm ready to be tagged as a neuro patient. but you know what all these has done to me generally? it made me succumb for him deeper. i'm falling head first, plunging into this dark pit that ends in nothingness. i dont hate him. i adore him still. every little bit of him. i dont care if he's gay. i'm gonna die his name etched inside me. who cares? i'll love who i wanna love. and who i wanna love is him alone. i'm never gonna be completely happy anymore. if i end up with somebody else, it wouldnt bring me the joy i really dream of. i'm afraid i have to maintain distance from the other guy first. i'm afraid i can never return the love he says he has for me. i told him it will be hard to forget a guy i have devoted myself for a long time already. for more than five years i have loved him. i dont mind loving him for another five more. or even six or seven. whatever. why? i cant answer that. Love doesnt need the company of Explanation anyway.

ive sinned

2005-07-22T15:41:00.000+08:00

~freedom from the monthlies at last~

woe to those who have not attended their PE classes...dahil mga tamad kayo...kasama ako dun...

damn

i dont wanna have a blank mark on my attendance kay sir. ngayon pakiramdam ko parang ako na ang pinaka-iresponsableng estudyanteng nabubuhay sa ust. pero ang totoo, balak ko dapat na mag-PE. pumunta naman ako sa eng complex kanina eh. sinipat ko naman talaga kung nasaan na yung class ko for handball... kaso wala talaga akong mamukhaang person. oo, possibly, wala pang tao kasi di pa naman three o'clock nun. kaso...ganun din naman ang mangyayari, naisip ko. wala rin akong classmate sa II-10 na pupunta. mag-iisa rin ako. ayoko ata nun. ewan! katangahan tlg...

naisip kong tumuloy na nga dito sa central lib para magbasa ng module 4 ng nstp. kaso...binuksan ko nga yung eleap at yung module, halos wala naman akong matandaan sa mga binrowse ko... korni...

haay ayoko na!

uhm...my mood right now: CONFUSED

di ko maconvince ang sarili ko na gusto ko ng Frenchfries. ayoko ng feeling na to na parang pinipilit ko lang ang sarili kong ngumuya at magpakalunod sa lasa nun. kadiri. bata pa ako. marami pang pagkakataon. ayoko na yatang magkaron ng connection sa kanya. wala namang mawawala sa akin kapag inignore ko siya at di nako sumipot sa kany sa YM simula sa segundong ito. kaso naawa ata ako. yun. awa lang ata. di ko favourite ang Frenchfries. ang totoong gusto ko ay ang Celtics.

labo ko. pero ayos lang para ako lang ang nakakaintindi neto. swak na. sa blogdrive naman.

johnjoerockedmysoul...niehehe

2005-07-04T17:23:00.000+08:00

if i was a serial pickpocket and he were m&m's, i would cordially choose lookin stupid, ransackin all candy shops i could lay my eyes on

wahahaha!yesterday, (ay...july 2 na pala...)...the other day, after class hours, yamz and i dragged our butts to the engineering complex of our dear university. my companion wasnt even 100% okay about watching parokya because of personal reasons...anyway, there were we, striding towards the crowd (after a quick peek at the orgs lined up via the catwalk) when i saw sumthin delightful to the eyes...CANDY! yes, eye candy! mtv's john joe!

his back was on me...yamz and i kept walkin but my eyes stayed glued on that brown icky stuff he wore. haha! talk about insulting jj again! i need to see him! my insides croaked as a mass of students gathered for the band and blocked my view of the tagalog-eloquent john joe. as the programme progressed, i tried to calm myself from the thought of 'he was right there, almost at arms length and i didnt even get to see his face!!!' (this was especially evident during chito miranda's uber hyper performance *as usual*...which by the way rawked big time).

well, after a sooper fast hour of jammin with parokya (with leo, and not with yamz! the latter has mysteriously disappeared the moment parokyanos ran toward the stage, and i caught myself roaring through the songs with none other than sacre's leo! haha!), the three of us walked outta the gym. i was chanting 'john joe john joe john joe' and was whining through my parched throat until...i spotted him! i was like, omg! omg! omg! leo and yamz told me to grab the moment by its neck...i did as i was told...well..i sorta semi-did.

the three of us took a snapshot of us with him (but yamz...was missin again?!). the pic seemed priceless! but it was only after we had stalked parokya's van and took their signatures (i had a stray diskette signed. i shook chito's hand. leo had her anatomy book signed, she touched chito's hand i think. yamz had her notebook signed, she got a kiss from chito!!! it was the "uy, pakiss/ o sige pakiss, pakiss---mwah" between them) when i realised...'why just one pic?! and just a measley pic where i looked like an ass, grinning like i had cerebral palsy since i didnt know how to react! i couldve taken two or three! in which one pic only has john joe and myself! solo namin! (hah?!) and i shouldve taken his autograph (like what leo said) too since he was so nice to be willing to give u a personalized message (with yer name, mind you!) with his signature below.that was what he was doin before i had the guts to walk in front of him to ask 'excuse me, may we take a picture of you?' in a soft trembling voice that didnt resemble mine. the sweet lad answered cooly 'ah shempre' (john joe's en egg in english, john joe's an egg in english~~lmao)

oh well im gon miss him. and i wish i could turn back time's arm! not just hands! yes! i never missed the water until its gone! oh when shall i get to feast on jj again?! waah!!!!!!

nuff.

try watchin mtv and wait for its ust coverage for the first day funk promotion. leo, yamz and i were so jaulaugz that day that we allowed ourselves to get 'dedignitized' as we intentionally walked before the mtv camera and waved to get noticed by the whole of the nation. maybe you'd see us so watch, okay? eew. i guess you'd all deny you have any connections with us after you see it...haha!

Posted at 01:23 am by ja_rulez

it has been...

2005-07-04T17:12:00.000+08:00

...millions of years since i have written in here

hence the url: idleforages! yipee!

y'see...sometimes, stupid things make sense too... :D

the reason why i decided to *finally* update my blog is that i was thinkin of its dignity as an online journal (wutdaf--). nah, i guess i just didnt want it to end the same way as my tabulas blog did. like what i have mentioned during my first post here (with darms and yamz with me in the lib--waah!! missin darmsie!), i wouldnt want this to just rot just like that.

anyway, enough of ulit-ulits. i was also urged to post here since i thought "hey! why not take advantage of the central lib's dsl connection! i wouldnt be able to spend a whole lotta time typin here if i was at home anyway...so here i am.

ok enough again. the whole point of this post is about thursday *that was the 31st of june*. i wouldve just typed here 'raxonn' and redirect you to my kada's bloggie but since im in a good mood, i'll just copy my post there and paste it via another post...hehehe...

sige, i'll go to raxonn first. be back in a while, maties!

whew

2005-05-22T16:23:00.000+08:00

hiya...justa short update of what has been happenin around...although u (kung may nagbabasa man neto) can also check out raxonn for more details (kung makakarelate ka) since that bloggie seems more homey to me now =D

early mornin (around past 12-3am) of may20:
this had been sooper special for me. i just loved that deep soothing voice...and that slow steady breathing. YM has never served me better. my fondness of him just dramatically increased for some reason. and yes i told him i did (samin n lang yun kung anuman yung sinabi ko). everytime he would softly say my name, there goes his affection, furiously surging through my veins like a mad river. sayang, he was too far away. +_+

drama

may21, Town:
aios ang day nato. although it totally made a fungus outta me (since ako lamang po mga kapatid ang walang date. aargh! parang wallflower! i think i just felt how these lasses felt..urk~~), i must say i did enjoy.
NBS was the place both eros and dan chose to wait in (although they didnt talk ha!). after grabbin em both we went to the cinemas to catch starwars. the movie, as expected was fab although i must have understood only 75% of the whole flick. i bought P60-onion rings to keep my duodenum company during the time. after watchin, we started for picture city. uhm...nahihiya rin pala sa cam ang male species. timezone came right after. cool time around, although we were given a single P500 (ba yun?) game card instead of five P100s. kainis no? di kasi nakikinig eh. we ate pizza after that. liz was feelin her tum-tum grumbling na kasi. i bet everyone did nman eh (except me kasi i had my onion rings =D) kaso nga lang, nagkakahiyaan pa. i took the fotos na rin sa picCT. a lil while sa timezone uli after eating. tapos, uwian na. dan came along with us kasi goin home for him that early meant his doom. hehe kiddin...

evening (around 10.30-12.30), may21:
an extremely upsetting time for me. i went online expecting jesse. i asked liz nman to inform him that i will be online by ten here ah. why didnt he come? its disappointing kasi 2 oras akong naghintay. when he finally responded to my IMs, wala pa atang five minutes, nawala nnman sha. nalulungkot ako. gusto ko p naman sana marinig yung boses nia ulit. i told him i was scared to love. i have never been in love. now i dont even know if this is love. alam ko nman ang mangyayari eh. pag nagkausap na ulit kami, liliparin nnman ng kilig ang lahat ng pakiramdam ko ngayon. i know, thats fine. pero ayokong isiping ganto kababaw ang persona ko. i used to say "lalaki lang yan"...eh ano na ngayon? could somebody come over and shout to my ear that same line?!

drama ulit

heller?

2005-05-16T00:49:00.000+08:00

ahm...is this really me in here? like heck, ive been gone for a lifetime here in my personal blog ah! ive been all over blogdrive kasi...and all over YM...yep look at me now..i'm one heck of a taglisher again. this is not the ol' ja who types here on tuesdays and thursdays! well...except nung mga first posts...which were really loco, i'd say. if any darned critter would want to know whats goin on within my nutshell (and my mates' as well), i dare you to visit our bloggie: http://raxonn.blogdrive.com
go see what we're up to...

my mood currently is : UPSET
stayed up late for nothing eh? tsktsktsk...i should be sleeping by now. but i aint snorin my arse off (as if i snore) because of some male species. what do you think yer doin, mister? dont make me care too much. that isnt the route i wanna go to just yet...
...ahgahd...1:05 now...speakin of the cutie....he just IMed! whoopee! :) suddenly i dont feel so sullen anymore...bah! get outta dreamtown, young lady! yer not lil miss mush-o!
wanna check out this laddie? take a peek at http://profiles.yahoo.com/knight_o_nightmares
you might be wondering what sort of infection has gotten inside my nerves for being interested in a guy with such profile...but dont look at me like that...you gotta know this bloke first...
just one thingy...dont touch him okay? he's mine! LOL

so, um...okay. just a quick point out:
shay's got this wonderful guy (though i havent met him...teehee!) named eros. he's classmates with her. 18 years of age...i know he cares about her. yeah he does, really. shay doubts sometimes but hey cant blame laydees for that, can you?
bam's got dan on the other hand. a workin guy who turns 24 soon. i dont see anythin wrong with his age. it doesnt matter, does it? love is for every breathing soul out there. besides, what's impt is that he's being real with my mate...
kaye has told me of a certain wayne bloke. mind you, he's got yunchengco blood! make that, he's a yuchengco! now i dunno if he's really one of those class A yuchegncos. but there's no stoppin me from teasing kaye with a "hi madamme!"

alrightee gotta end here. till next time! enrolment's on 1st june, classes on the 13th...ciao!

i dream of a boy named...

2005-05-03T17:34:00.000+08:00

...marcus

its not easy letting go of this soul

i feel stupid

but im just human

and this is my obsession

its getting extremely ridiculous everytime i think of it

its like people would look down at me and tell me to grow up

but thats it

i dont wanna grow up just yet

if God wills though

i wish somebody would take me away from it

maybe jesse would

pitiful souls

2005-04-26T18:06:00.000+08:00

Upsetting.

My immediate family, together with my other maternal relatives, had a lil rendevous in CCP and in Baywalk last Sunday night. I was enjoying the evening when we chanced upon these male homosexuals who were doing their usual job in the place—hosting a videoke show in front of a live audience. What we expected from gay hosts did come about—there were lots of pranks and flirtings with the male spectators. What I wasn’t anticipating were the words that came out from their mouths—rude words…lots and lots of them. Accompanying those were, of course, uncouth actions as well. I wouldn’t have minded that sort of performance if there weren’t any kid in the audience. Those faggots broadcasted adult humour.

There was also an instance when they insulted this particular girl so bad that she almost wanted to cry and come down from that roach infested stage. Do you think its just for them to tell someone that she’s ugly, fat, dark, and stupid simultaneously? If the poor lass felt shoddy with her features before, I bet she felt shoddier after that night. I know. Call me prudish for I’ve spent eleven years of my life studying in a Catholic school which nuns preside. But no, it’s not just a matter of religious standards. It’s also a matter of moral principles.

We left the place later because we got so bored, waiting for my niece’s name to be called. She was supposed to sing. The fun part there was we were so many that the fags immediately felt there was something wrong. The feeling of triumph was intense in me. It seemed like we had just walked out from an awards night!

Seamus, my 3 year chat mate, was right when I related my disappointments to him yesterday—that wasn’t family entertainment. And all those ill-mannered criticisms directed to that girl—that was supposed to be entertaining? My cousin shared as we were going home that “Filipinos are a very difficult crowd to please.” There’s supposed to be nothing wrong with that connotation actually. But as what I’ve seen on TV and during that night as well, a lot of us now have a different meaning for ‘entertainment’. Entertainment is when sex stuff is prominent. Entertainment is when people get abused physically and psychologically.

Too bad people need to be impudent just to earn cash.

sayberserye vi

2005-04-25T10:27:00.000+08:00

Rai suddenly looked up at her, her eyes turning big, “Something…behind us…” She murmured.
The other girls exchanged looks, noticing their friend’s ghastly expression. Slowly, they turned their heads upstairs, their hair standing on their ends.
Sure enough, a human-like figure stood still before them, its sharp eyes seemingly staring out in space in the dim setting. The moment it threw its gaze towards the girls, Rai’s flashlight totally went out.
Liz screamed. She pulled herself towards Kaye and tearfully dragged her eyes away from the silhouette.
“It’s…” Kaye spoke under her breath and tried to loosen her friend’s grip on her, “…it’s no ghost.”
Rai looked up closely and agreed, “It’s a man…”
“Well, man or monster, I’m leaving!” Liz broke away in tears and dashed into the living room, towards the door that leads to the patio.
“Liz!” Rai scurried after her. She threw a quick glance at her cousin, “C’mon!” Little did she know that Kaye had not bothered to move a muscle from the spot that she was standing on. Kaye just stared blankly at the dark figure that was then slowly floating down the stairs.
“La lumière… (Light)”
With the order of a finely-clad man, numerous levitating candles lit up and appeared to swathe the whole place. His footsteps then became audible, as if they belonged to a mortal.
“Ma sucrée moineau… (My sweet sparrow)” The man spoke softly and bent down to kiss the hand of the startled Kaye, “…Je m’en vais ce soir… (I’m leaving tonight)”
“Oh, Pierre… Please stay…” Kaye blurted. Nevertheless, she was flabbergasted of her words. She didn’t understand French. So how come--
“Merci pour tout… (Thanks for everything) Merci beaucoup… (Thank you very much)”
Inexplicable tears rolled down Kaye’s cheeks as she felt warm air encompass her. She sensed deep sorrow and yearning from the man that had just given her an embrace that seemed like his last.

second of three

2005-04-25T10:17:00.000+08:00

Shay and I devoured what was left of the adoberz and Rai chomped on her footlong sandwich for dinner. We sat glued in front of the boobtube for News. TV Patrol had almost nothing but all those which seemed like pre-tributes to the then weak JP2. We undoubtedly felt more than gawky enough with the entire programme for we genuinely loved the Pope and the whole thing on TV made it seem like media knew what would happen to him soon.

Later that night, when all had taken their shower, F3 settled in their bedroom and thought hard of something they could do that time of the night. There was no stuff to eat because the Cheez Mania I brought along with me was downed earlier and the cola we bought during the afternoon was almost empty as well. Nonetheless we made do with the drink (although that left our throats still parched as file paper) and carried on. By the time the moon had already deeply hovered up in the sky, we gave in to Bam’s suggestion of going out to look for a mobile charger and water too.

The air was cool although steady and the place seemed empty. We tried moving out. The itinerary across the patio itself was already darned because there were lots of critters (sci.name: Lizardus Sabubongsis) sticking upside-down just above us. What we did? Well, Shay and I leaped our ways athwart, shrieking in the middle of the night. Whew. Done with level one. Then there was Doggie Doo, howling at us like mad (you might get the implication that this mongrel is Scooby Doo’s long lost kin, but no, they’re just plain ol’ surname-mates). We could’ve gone jostling our arses towards the gate into the then ‘world outside’, right past the dog, but no we retreated, sprang across the porch (and its reptiles) again and dove back into the house. No one thought of risking our cheeky rears to be bitten off by such bloodhound.

Devastated, F3 chose to go up and chill out in the terrace for a while whilst devising a strategy to flee from Doggie Doo. He was a dog yet the task before us was like escaping from a dragon! I could’ve suggested bombing up Mr. Doo when he starts to doze off (if he ever does) but I caught my self and tried to forget about sadism for a while. Up in the terrace we stared at the past 22 o’clock firmament studded with stars, which seemed to swathe the entire earth magnificently. Wow, we thought. Beautiful. Simply beautiful.

Later we went down and decided to get it over and done with the mongrel. Bam needed the charger badly! Even Shay did. And all of us needed water for sure. So we jumped past those lizards again, screaming, “Lizardussss!” and from a good distance waited for any sign that Doggie Doo was keeping an eye (or both eyes for that matter) at us. The hound growled and snarled from under the cars! Good thing some girl came from the house of the pad's owner and we pleaded that the former keep the pest away while we sneak by. Thankfully, she complied. Whew. Level two done!

Before completely stepping out of the lot, we checked on the proprietress if they had water to sell and a charger to lend us. They had H2O but not the other. We left it at that and moved on. The streets were still in the middle of the deep night in spite of the numerous lights around. We walked up the ascending path towards the main road to look for our so-called necessities.

Up there, we didn’t have any luck either. We just stood by the roadside lookin at a group of youngstas who wanted to get inside Picnic Grove (in what seemed like the deepest hour of the night!). They weren’t allowed to enter through the exit though (but F3 did that! Tito Rey told us to!).

After a while, we returned back to our rented crib and decided to buy water from our landlady as well. Bubble gang was up on the telly so we didn’t really came home to a bore when you think of it. We called it a night soon…actually we just had forty winks one by one.

update

2005-04-18T11:52:00.000+08:00

ive made an account in blogdrive (oof! plug-in! plug-in!) for my bestmaties and i.

it's supposed to be our online journal. tee-hee, i remembered our scribbles in those notebooks over a year ago. ah! those were the days of the carters, gatelies, keatings, and the reads...et cetera, et cetera. but now it's a change of environment. as ive posted today there, i proclaimed ''we're goin tech!"

right.

oh well, i aint coming to training today. and probably not tomorrow...nor the next day...heck, i'm all sloth again! and i told tj that he was right all along about my feelings for the sport. and i told him i was still enjoying soccer. rubbish. oh when will i ever truly enjoy football? maybe Ja and Footie have been trying too hard to fall for each other. Maybe they just werent meant to be. Aww.

Mom, Ron, and nanay went off to bacoor to spend a night or two there. i didnt come with them coz sarah aint either. geez. i think i got the grammar wrong there.

guess that ends here. later i'll be working on the second part of my post about our tagaytay getaway last april fools' so that i could post it here soon. ciao!